Am I doing something wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Am I doing something wrong?
4
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 2:22pm
Hi, I started dated again (a couple of people) and what seems to be happening to me is that every time after my date a person would call, to make sure that I got home safely (even if a taxi dropped me at my door) and then each of the guys I've had a date with, called me the next day to tell me that they had a great time (our conversation would usually at end at: talk to you later...) and then they would disappear. I would understand if there were only one person doing that - but in the last month I saw 5 people and the same story over and over again. Am I doing something wrong? Tnx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 2:39pm
It's hard to tell and to be honest I am tempted to say this is sheer coincidence. Here is what I do - when I get the call the next day, I try to keep the conversation light hearted and positive (including my tone of voice, even if I am having a stressful day) - and try to let the man do most of the talking to be honest I have rarely if ever received such a call where it didn't end with some discussion of when to get together again. What I try to do is after ten minutes of talking - I try to steer the conversation to future plans - I explain that it's been great talking to the person, reiterate that I had a nice time and thanks again - and see if he takes the bait to make plans - if he doesn't, I let it go - but again I can only think of one time in the last 13 years that that happened - I spent almost 30 minutes on the phone with the guy who was whining about what to do with his life - then he said he had to go and I took the bull by the horns and said "well, are we going to see each other again" - he gave some mumbo jumbo pyschobabble answer about how he didn't know and I responded with some annoyance that he had called in the first place.

None of this is meant to say that you are doing anything wrong - at all - just figured I'd share my approach and if it helps, great!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 2:39pm
Hmm...that is kind of strange! It could just be coincidence, or it could be something else. The question that immediately came to mind was, did you let them know in an enthusiastic way that YOU had a great time also? Maybe they weren't sure if you were interested...

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 2:42pm
So how do you respond to them on the date, and how do you respond to their phone call?

If you are subtle and reserved in your response, then they might think you are just being kind, but not interested. If you are being genuinely excited, and explicitly state the you look forward to the next one, then I don't understand why they wouldn't call again.

Guys don't like rejection anymore than women. So they are looking for feedback, and some positive comments that open the door to more dates. We don't do well with subtlety

So what explicit signals are you sending?

Brokk...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 5:03pm
Title: As well he deserved....

"I spent almost 30 minutes on the phone with the guy who was whining about what to do with his life - then he said he had to go and I took the bull by the horns and said "well, are we going to see each other again" - he gave some mumbo jumbo pyschobabble answer about how he didn't know and I responded with some annoyance that he had called in the first place."

Amen sister! Why the hell would you dump stuff like that on a virtual stranger?

I've had similar thing happen to me, where I call / contact a woman just wanting to kow if there was going to be a next step (after a couple dates to date) and she responds with some sort of life statement about where her head is and her relationship with the universe. At times like that I really wanna just shout out "look...I don't even LIKE you...so can you just tell me if I'm ever gonna get to ride that ass or not??"

Ok...that was crude, but it is what I think at moments like that...

All to say that I can sympathize...