Am I just misreading the whole situation?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Am I just misreading the whole situation?
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 7:00pm

There is an older man that I work with and have become good friends with, that I am interested in dating.

We have been building our friendship for over a year now.  We talk regularly outside of work via text or messaging, and talk to each other every day at work.  Although he talks to me often, and I have always had the sense he is flirting a bit, he has never told me what he thinks of me...whether he finds me attractive or not.  Not long ago, I got fed up and frustrated with not knowing/understanding his feelings and took it upon myself to ask him out.  He accepted and we had our night out.

I had a good time, and knowing him as long as I have, there were no surprises and conversation was pretty flowing.  The end of the evening though, prompted him to make a quick exit out of my car (I drove), and it just crushed my hopes that maybe we could have some small talk and finally a physical encounter....kissing or such.

I just don't understand. When he accepted my invitation out, I thought..he HAS to know that Im interested...I don't know what else to do other than blatantly telling him I am smitten.  I'm a bit shy, and I have never asked a man out before, so me doing that was a big step for me outside of my comfort zone.

Now, I feel my self esteem is ravaged...and I feel maybe I should just stop thinking of the possibility at all.  I know him well enough to know he can be shy...but we have always had a good time with one another.  Does he just not like me? Should I just take everything off the table and look elsewhere?  It's hard because we are friends...but if he isn't interested in more, I think I need to step away from this for awhile, so I can detach my feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 9:37pm

By his reaction, I would think he's showing that he's not interested in dating you.  It could be that he doesn't want to date someone he works with because if things go bad, then it makes work awkward, it could be the age difference or he just likes you as a friend.  I have this friend that I got to know through my dance school.  I've known him about 1 1/2 yrs now--a few times we have gone out in a group, but always when I or someone else asks him to come.  He never initiates.  I'm pretty sure he likes me as a friend and I'm probably one of his favorite dance partners, but I gave up the thought of him asking me out.  He's had the opportunity & after asking him to go out socially, we had the opportunity to talk more, etc.  I just don't want to waste any more time pining after something that's unlikely to happen.