Another question based on Pilates post..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Another question based on Pilates post..
5
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 9:51am
Grrr... I just lost my post as well. Stupid new format.

OK. Tigger said that "If you make out with a man on his couch at his place on the first date, he will naturally expect no strings sex that night".

Let's hear from the men and women. How many times have you made out on the first date at someone's house? How often did it lead to sex that night?

For me, there were three women. 2 were first dates, the other was a second date. None of those times led to sex that night, though two did end up as sex in later dates.

Brokk...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 10:22am
I told you... copy and paste from word or be sure to copy your post before you hit preview.

I'm laughing right now... Right after I read your post, one of the guys (I work w/ all guys) at work asked what this guy has got to make "a girl like me" drive an hour to go see him. Then another guy stated that he'd drive 4 hours "just for the hopes of getting a little sugah". I just thought it was funny and ironic in a sense- and I thought I'd share.

As for making out on the couch on a first date:

guy #1, we made out on our first date (on his couch), he never expected a thing- we ended up having sex 3 months later, and dated for 6 more months.

guy #2, we made out on the first date (on his couch), nobody expected anything. We never had sex.

guy #3, we made out on the second date, had sex 5 dates later, and dated for 1 1/2 years.

My point: I've made out with guys on their couches before- on first dates even- there was never an expectation, and boundaries were always respected. These relationships even ended up being long term relationships -or flops, but in the end, there was no "rule" that said that I was going to be a piece of meat to these men. I'm glad to say that I've often followed my heart, and it has led me down great paths of happiness, but I guess the heart won't always tell you what is right... the head has to take over somewhere.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 10:42am
Oh, boy...

Going backwards, chronologically:

Recent guy I am dating ("FDG"): His place, made out on couch, had sex the same night. Have been dating a month or so? Casual dating/exclusive sexual relationship.

Previous guy I was dating ("J"): My place, made out on bed, no sex that night. Dated over a year and a half. Committed relationship.

Young object of lust ("D") : His place, made out on couch, no sex that night. Had sex in later dates. Never really admitted to relationship.

Ex-husband: My place, first date, made out on bed, no sex that night. Sex on the second date. Married, stayed together a total of six years. I thought it was a committed relationship. LOL

Don't know that this is scientifically proving anything, but I guess I don't mind making out with people I like! LOL

Cher

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 12:21pm
Title: I must be the only person with no self control.

The most recent (FNG) kissed on the first date, made out on the couch on our second, but didn't have sex until a month or so had gone by. Dated another month before I ended it.

A, made out on the couch at my apartment, had sex that night. Casual dating/exclusive sex for 7 months.

J, made out on the bed at my apartment, did not really have sex that night, but did have it the next day. Incidentally, things had gone pretty far when I stopped him, and he did stop with no questions. He did stay over that night. Dated for two and a half years, exclusive relationship.

I agree with Pilates. I haven't proven or disproven any rules. I just stay within my comfort zone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 12:27pm
Good question. Hmmm- drawing from the memory banks - I don't think I have ever gone to a man's home on a first date when no one was there and made out with him - but I have on second dates - and have never had sex on a second, third, fourth or fifth date - the soonest I've had sex is after nearly three months of dating and 6 months has been more typical. Depending on the man and the circumstances, if I do go to a man's apartment on a second date and we are not friends first, I likely will make it clear beforehand, or when I first get there that I will not have sex with him - a few times I went to a man's apartment on a second or third date - not to stay over, however - and he tried to seduce me and was somewhat surprised when I said no - one of them said I must have sexual hangups because I told him that while I was attracted to him and enjoying making out, I wasn't going to have sex yet (as in, putting general well being ahead of instant gratification). There were two unpleasant situations - one at a Club Med where I let the guy come back to my room and told him there would be no sex - he tried, I said no, his response, before he passed out drunk (thank goodness) - something like that since he was so much bigger than me if he wanted to, he could. Nice. The other was a second date where I did go into his bedroom but made it clear - no sex- but found myself with my wrists behind my head and he wouldn't let them go till I asked twice - I felt the same as Pilates at that moment - momentary fear that I would be raped.

In general I do not think that making out with a man at his apartment is presumed to be an invitation to have sex.

Great question - look forward to reading the responses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 11:30pm
never gone to a man's house on the first date. I don't think that I would be comfortable with that, unless we had been friend prior to the date, and i have never dated a friend. The person is still a stranger to me, and I don't know enough about their character to be trusted. First bf: I never made out with in the two months together (though we did kiss, but never open mouth), Second bf: did not kiss for two months, began making out shortly thereafter, had sex 6 months later, and were together 6 years.

Other dates, never more than one, and always in public place ending with own transportation.


As I have obviously demonstrated, I'm not comfortable with a lot of intimacy up close. Which is ironic because I love physical intimacy, and have a high sex drive and all that. I think it's more that I like to open up gradually to a person rather than dive right in.

L.