Away at School

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2002
Away at School
Thu, 05-01-2003 - 3:33pm
My now ex-boyfriend and I were together for 19 months and he decided a few days ago that he needed a break. He told me it I wasn't able to give him the break, he would have to end things right then. He is away at school 1,000 miles away and I have spent the past 6 months of the relationship away from him. He was home for thanksgiving, winter break and spring break, but otherwise, we didn't see eachother. Having a long distance relationship is very hard for us, but he always told me he loved me and he has told me that he never wanted to break up with me. Both of us talked about moving to California together after we graduated, and even about getting married. Next week is his finals week for school and he is very stressed out because of it. Throughout the past month, we haven't been able to talk very much because he's been so busy. Our phone conversations only lasted 5 or 10 minutes and they were always in between doing other things. He told me that he doesn't know if he wants a relationship wiht me again, once he's home. He said that right now, he doesn't want a relationship, but he is willing to talk about things when he comes home. I have tried to e-mail him to find out if there is a possibility of it working out since the situation will be very different once he's home. We will both be able to see eachother much more and we won't be as busy. I need someone's advice as to what you think and what I can do in the next week to keep myself from constantly worrying about losing him. He is a very important person to me and I can't imagine being without him. Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to get out the whole story.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jennsoc6
Thu, 05-01-2003 - 4:10pm
You're not going to like this at all...

I am sorry. This sort of thing is so tough. I wish I had some good news for you, but unfortunately, all I've got is my own experiences and personal observations.

My guess is that your ex-bf has gotten quite fond of his life at college--and that is a life that excludes you. He's young, he's in a new place, he probably wants most to have fun and meet new people and do new things. Unfortunately for you, a big part of that is *meeting new girls*. In fact, the "sudden" desire for a "break" in your relationship just screamed to me that he's met someone at school that he wants to get together with (or has already).

My advice to you is to stop emailing him, don't call him, and begin the process of mourning the death of this relationship. The sooner you start the grieving process, the sooner you will be through it, though I know it is awful when you are there.

Yes, I know he'll be coming home in the summer, and you are anxiously longing to get back together with him then. But remember--summer is 3 short months long. After those 3 months, he will be going back to school for 9 months. It will probably be easier in the long run (though more painful in the short run) for you to make a clean break now, rather than torture yourself with the get-back-together-break-up-get-back dance that almost never seems to end happily.

*hugs* to you. I went through this when I went to college. So did my freshman roommate, and many of my friends. It sucks. My very best to you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: jennsoc6
Thu, 05-01-2003 - 5:10pm
Unfortunately, this is exactly my experience as well. I was the one away at college who met someone new and made the call to my gf (who told me that it was alright if I met someone new, but really didn't mean it).

It happens. Life is happening all around him and someone 1000 miles away is a force keeping him from experiencing things that he really wants to experience, or at least bothering him when he does experience it.