awkward situation! is it over?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
awkward situation! is it over?
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 9:51pm
Need advice on this one.
Met a guy, he is 39 and divorced. No kids. He has been divorced for 4 1/2 years. We met at a party and hit it off right away. I have been taking it very slow and told him that's what I wanted to do. He has been really respectful of that.We have been on 4 dates and our fifth date was this weekend, kind of, although it was not so much of a date. we haven't slept together and haven't gone home together yet, but have kissed etc.
Here is the issue, when I first met him, he told me he doesn't like the phone, he doesn't text people at all, etc. That is all well and good, but 5 dates, averaging 1 a week, needs some type of momentum, or something to keep it going, so in between each date there needs to be at least some type of touching base IMO at least once. He travels for work nearly weekly for days at a time and we had a quick talk about it and he said he wanted to work on it, and he did. Now he texts at least once or twice between our dates during the week.
This past weekend he was staying with his guy friend at his beach house with two other guys. One was married and there without his wife, one was another guy. I was going to be in the same town for the weekend and he suggested we meet up. He called me, which he NEVER does and said he didn't know there plan yet and we should stay in touch throughout the evening and we would connect later. I decided to let him contact me because after all it was a guys weekends of sorts and I didn't want him to feel the pressure of having to worry about me. at 9 pm he sent me a text that he still didn't know what their plan was, but if I wanted to stop by and say hi i could. He gave me directions. I was at a friends and I said okay and i went over there to stop by. It seemed like a lazy relaxed guy weekend, they had just gotten done grilling, one guy was waking up from a nap. very chill. I am there for about 40 minutes in the backyard talking to my guy when we went to speak to his friends in the kitchen for MAYBE 4 minutes. Suddenly my guy starts walking and gives me a look for me to follow him, or maybe even waved me to follow him and he walked out the FRONT DOOR. i was very confused. I said "are you kicking me out?" he said "yes."
I tried not to get offended as I reminded myself it was guys weekend and me being there, when it wasn't even his house probably made him feel like he was under a spotlight of sorts. HOWEVER, i was still pretty offended. there are other ways to do it. maybe mention to me in private that you really need to go be with the guys and you will call me later. But you don't just march me out the front door mid convo and say yes I am kicking you out. I got into my car as fast as I could, i never even realized I could put a seatbelt on that fast and said "Have a good trip". I couldn't even look at him really I was SO embarressed. He was leaving sunday from the beach to go to california for a whole week for work. He said "are you going to come watch me play basketball in the morning here?" which is what we had discussed BEFORE the awkward situation. I said "You know what, I think I will let you just hang with the guys and do your guy stuff. I think basketball should be for the guys". He kept trying to compliment me, etc cause I think he realized i felt awkward and shut down a bit, and I know this is probably wrong but I just wanted to get out of there asap. I felt like I wasn't wanted. He also said he would visit my house the next day. He didn't have a car but would figure it out, I said I could pick him up so he could see it for a bit. He said okay. But i was definitely chilly. That whole convo may have even taken place before me saying I wasn't coming to basketball when he asked. I can't be sure.
Long story short, the next day I never heard from him. We had left it that he would possibly come over. I of course felt maybe my awkwardness put him off and he felt funny approaching me so I texted him sunday, the day after he was supposed to maybe come but i never heard from him and just said "Hope you are having fun with the boys and had a great weekend. Have a safe trip to CA. Hope to see you when you are back."
He wrote back "Hi! weekend is nice, really mellow. I am dreading my trip. How are you?"
I said "I am great, I hear you re: the trip but it will be over before you know it."
He said "I am glad you are great. See you soon."
Here is my question: he just isn't that into right. If he was he would have texted me the day after the awkwardness? the thing is, I won't know if I will actually hear from him again until he is back, but i get the sense that I won't and think he said see you soon just to be nice. thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 10:23am

Wow.. that walking you to the door thing was rough.. bad thing to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 10:54am
I actually invited him to sneak out and spend the night with me!!! and get naked together! how much more explicit could I have been! lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 3:53pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 5:18pm

Thank you. I agree. no, i am not usually attracted to that, but when he is with me, we had such a nice time that i never really thought about it and took him at his word that he isn't that type. But it was never really progressing as the dates went on, so the momentum couldn't build.

It was so weird that he kicked me out. I would totally not have minded if he said "hey, i gotta hang out with my friends for a bit, will call you later" or whatever, but the way he did it was odd and socially awkward and made me feel terrible and totally embarrassed.

What is even more odd is after we had such an awkward moment and he tried his darndest to be-friend me again in the driveway, he never contacted me the next day. I can't explain it but in my gut i don't think i will hear from him upon his return, which i guess is for the best since his communication style drives me batty. but i will be bummed