BF & his ex from 7 years ago

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2010
BF & his ex from 7 years ago
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 7:06pm
My BF still keeps in contact with an ex that he dated 7 years ago for 5 years. He still has a pic of him & her in his computer room & that same pic is still hanging in his parents place. He also has her as a beneficiary to one of his RRSPs. I have never met her but she knows that him & I are together & she has a BF too. During a family roadtrip in the summer he text her as we were driving through her hometown ?:| The other night (after midnight) his phone lit up, the next day he told me it was her seeing if he was out (drunk call).

This past Friday was his brother's 40th birthday. He assumed that I wasn't going since I had my boys that evening & I assumed that since his brother & wife don't have kids that it would be an adults only party. He told me that his sister-in-law had invited his ex (eventhough she hasn't seen her in years). His ex called him making sure I wouldn't be uncomfortable with her around No big deal to me. But then he told me his plans had changed a bit. That he was going to ride his motorcycle over to his ex's place (since she hadn't seen his bike yet) & they were going to take her car (since he doesn't want his brother to know yet that he has a bike) from her place! I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to be the jealous girlfriend. But showing up with your ex to a 'family member's birthday, just doesn't seem right to me! I did tell him that I was hurt that he decided to tell me @ the last minute. I asked him to reverse the situation then see if he'd still agree. He feels that he did nothing wrong. He said, "I could've lied to you, but I wanted to let you know". During the night he text me saying that the kids & I can come. I told him I didn't want to show up since he went with someone else, plus it was already past 10pm

He brought up me 'hanging out' with my ex-husband I told him that I don't hang out with him, we meet only to discuss things about our kids! I told him that I have a reason to still talk to my ex since we have kids together, where as he doesn't have a reason to still talk to her!

Any comments, advice would be much appreciated. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 9:56pm

I have learned something very important in my life. It takes a man who is experienced with lying to say "at least I didn't lie to you about it".

How long have you been together? If he can't respect your feelings, even if he doesn't agree, then he's not worth much as a boyfriend. I don't like the relationship that he has with her. I would be suspicious that for every bit of honesty he gives you, there is a bit of dishonesty that he is hiding from you.

I don't know exactly, but keep standing up for yourself and if this becomes too much, don't be afraid to tell him you can't deal with it.