Bf says he doesn't care for sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Bf says he doesn't care for sex?
13
Sun, 10-17-2010 - 9:45am

Hi,

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2010
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 2:56pm
A year and a half into a relationship isn't long... so if it were me, this would be a problem. As the previous poster said, if you're both happy with the frequency of your sexual encounters, then all is well. However, if you're feeling the need for more intimacy, his ambivalence in this area might be a long term compatability issue. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's my 2 cents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Fri, 10-22-2010 - 2:34pm
Oopsie, didn't see this one before I replied, but I'm glad we're on the same wavelength '-) and glad he definitely acted on what you talked about with him. It's so important to see that we do really matter to them in that way, that what we says resonates with the ones we love. I'm happy for you :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Fri, 10-22-2010 - 2:30pm

I don't think the problem is that he doesn't want to have sex with you or doesn't find you desirable, because you said when you do have it, he's very into it and makes you feel wonderful, so I think the problem is narrowed down to you *feel* he doesn't want you or desire you because he doesn't do the initiating anymore.

And that's a terrible place for a woman to be in, to have to be the one to do all the initiating, especially when we're bombarded with the ideas that men desire sex regularly, even though we know intellectually and logically that that isn't the case and isn't the only barometer by which to measure our relationship or desirability.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Thu, 10-21-2010 - 9:12am

Oh we do have outisde lives.He has his guys nights mondays and tuesdays,when he's out playing poker and hockey I do my own thing. However we are both home bodys,we love staying in and just watching movies, and relaxing.And for the record I don't stay in and be with him so he wont cheat lol. I am not afraid he would cheat.I used to be like a year ago,but I he adores me and I know he would never cheat.I didn't think my posts came across that way but if they did thats not the case.

A few days ago I actually brought up the initiating thing with him,simply told him I feel like 90% of the time we have sex because I hinted at it,and I said I felt as though if I didn't hint we wouldn't have sex. He didn't say much.I didn't push the subject,left it at that.That was maybe 4 or 5 days ago,ironically enough since then we had sex 3 times.....and I didn't have to initiate a thing.lol This may be TMI here but Im proud to say one of the times we had sex was all because he came in while I was having a bubble bath to wash his hands.A short while later I

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Wed, 10-20-2010 - 9:56am

Just wanted to add one comment about you saying that you spend all of your spare time together. Your relationship is of the greatest importance, but always try to keep an independent life outside of your significant other. Spend time out with girlfriends going to the movies or to dinner. Develop hobbies you're interested in. Some people join groups with people who have similar interests like photography, writing, gardening. You become a more interesting partner, as you can talk about your activities with him, he has a chance to miss you once in a while, and if the relationship doesn't work out, it would be devastating, but you'd have a support group of girlfriends and other activities to keep your mind off of things.

It will also take your mind off of the question of whether or not he will be initiating sex with you or not. I'm just taking a shot in the dark, but if you're staying home with him to make sure he's not going out to cheat on you, then he will start feeling like a caged animal. He has been a trustworthy partner so far. If you start relaxing about the sex issue, and present a confident, independent woman with other interests besides him, I bet he'd start initiating sex more often. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 7:02pm

Orange,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 5:12pm

>>What guy at 25 says "I don't care for sex?"

Well...guys who truly DON'T.

I don't think this is a trivial issue at all, unlike other posters who say that your frequency is "just fine." The issue is that it is not enough for YOU. If your sex frequency has been on the downswing, I wouldn't be surprised if that continued. It takes a pretty self-aware guy to admit that he's not into sex, and now you're left to ask yourself, "Can I live with this long term? Am I okay with this?" I love sex, and if I were in your position, I'd thank him for the honest insight and move on.

I might re-post to the Mismatched Libidos board for a different perspective.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 10:47am

I wouldn't gauge your frequency of sex compared to anyone else. that doesn't make sense and isn't fair to you.

I don't think 1-3x a week sounds low enough to really be concerned. I think most couples experience a dropoff in sex, and you DID say that you tried to make up your insecurity by having sex a lot. Now that you're less insecure and things are more normal, the amount of sex you're having is a more accurate reflection on how often you both actually want to have it, isn't it?

A person who is sarcastic, jokes all the time, and is never serious is not easy to have a relationship with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 9:43am

I do know guys don't necessarily want sex all the time,lol I more so meant, it seems odd to me that a guy would even say they don't

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 3:31am

So I assumed thats what lead to his cheating,not enough sex,and he got bored like he said.

Assumption number One: He cheated 'cause he was bored and it was your fault - Wrong.

I bet that you've got it backwards - he wasn't having much sex with you because he was getting it elsewhere.

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