can't believe what happened..very sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
can't believe what happened..very sad.
17
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 12:31am
This is long so i apologize in advance. I was even trying to cut things out!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 12:40am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 10:41am

I first need to state that my advice may be biased on the fact that I am a firm believer that once you break up with a person, they should stay out of your dating pool forever. While you're in the dating game, it's worth the investment to find something new than try to fix something that's broken.

I think you would be wasting your time trying to resurrect this relationship. You two don't want the same thing. You really want to see if feelings could be there but he isn't interested in permanence, nor can he give it. You are only gaining back a lot of heartache by trying to bring the relationship back to life when it's almost certain it really can't go anywhere. You're making yourself sick over his relationship with this other woman. Why? What are you getting out of this? It sounds like you don't have any other dating prospects at the moment and are willing to move your life backwards in order to rekindle a love that made you feel good once. It really doesn't matter how you handled it, if you cursed at him or whatnot, what matters is that this isn't really fair to you and it's a pretty impossible situation. He's trying to tell you that but you're not really listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 10:01pm

I agree with undercovercrab. It's over - or at least it should be.

I've been there in a similar situation and I firmly believe (and perhaps realise now that i've had the experience) that if you get to the point in a relationship where you break up like the two of you have done then it wasn't meant to be and would never really work.

You need to let it go, stop worrying about what he might or might not think or be doing, and put it behind you. Don't worry or feel pressured about dating. Just spend time by yourself for yourself. Stop contact with him.

It's like Humpty Dumpty and he's all broken. A good relationship would never let it get to the point where all the King's horses and men are needed. A good relationship stops the fall in the first place. Sure, there might be some wobbles and some close calls. That happens. But if there is yolk all over the place then no amount of time or effort or time out is going to fix things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 11:09am
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 8:22pm

grl, why would it appear bitter or angry if you don't send a text? Generally speaking, people don't send birthday texts to exes. It's not because they're bitter - it's because they've moved on and got a new life.

Having said that, it doesn't look 'bad' if you send a birthday text either. But it would be a rather pointless action. Truth be told, he probably doesn't care whether you remember his birthday or not.

If he doesn't respond to your text, would you care? If you would care, then don't send it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 8:33pm

well in some sense i feel like it will show i am the bigger, mature person that i can send him a text on his birthday rather than express how upset i am over this situation that i ignored it...we were talking for almost a year prior to this; it was probably obvious i was going to call this year on his birthday before i found out about this.


The other sense i don't want it to stoke his ego even more or something that he told me the situation he is in right now and then i am texting him on his birthday...BUT then that would be it..obviously i won't be calling so in that way it wouldn't really stroke his ego that much right? when he sees i am not doing anything else


I know he isn't thinking about this like i am if at all

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 10:20pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 10:43pm
well in some sense i feel like it will show i am the bigger, mature person

Trust me, it doesn't matter who the bigger, better person is. It feels important to you now but in time you'll look back at it and say to yourself "Well, that was pointless, wasn't it?". In this sort of thing it really pays just to move on. I'm agreed wholeheartedly with what true-blue-strine and coconut have to say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 2:03am

actually..i don't think i am really expecting much from it..i am not expecting a grand gesture from him or for him to be swept off his feet b/c i texted him..i guess in some way i just didn't wanna close the book forever and ever and i feel like this will basically be the only opportunity to be in contact with him this summer or at all...and if i just leave things on a good note..in time for the future, who knows what can happen..thats basically it..i guess to just leave things on decent terms for the possible long long term future?..


is it the worst idea?...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 2:56am

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