can't believe what happened..very sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
can't believe what happened..very sad.
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 12:31am
This is long so i apologize in advance. I was even trying to cut things out!


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 7:32am

>>So would it be bad to send a happy birthday text <<

Hon, you keep asking the same question and we keep giving you the same answers.

I can only reiterate what I said before: sending a text isn't bad per se. It's just pointless and a bit pathetic. He won't care whether or not he receives one or not. If you don't send one, he probably won't even notice. He'll be too busy celebrating with his traveller girl.

Do you realise you're having all this angst over something he will see as absolutely trivial no matter what you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 11:08pm

Trust me, he's not going to be sitting around all day wondering "Why hasn't she texted me happy birthday?? Doesn't she want to be civil with me??"

It's a gesture that will have more impact on you than it will on him, and is mostly unnecessary. I wouldn't suggest it but if you do text him, which at this point seems most likely, just keep it short and don't turn it into a conversation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 5:42pm

i agree with you but then after this text that would basically be it along with the calls i was making to him prior to this event. So i will be disappearing

So would it be bad to send a happy birthday text which is obvious to him that its less than what i would have done months ago..i probably would have called or something and i am definitely not doing that..and then after this, i would have no reason to contact him especially knowing what the situation is like for the next 2 months..

guess i am kind of conflicted..i dont want to seem pathetic but it is just a text and then obviously when a month goes by and another month goes by he will know i have lessened the contact ALOT or for good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2007
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 4:27pm

Its too bad I don't take my own advice sometimes...if I was you, I would just let it go.

You already have left it on good terms/left the door open. You already have told him how you feel, what you would like, an left the door open.

There was a guy that I was having text convo with awhile back, and I just wasn't feeling it, and many times I would text him, and he wouldn't text back. Just simple texts like " hope your having a great day" and "enjoy your evening". It came to a point it was all one sided and I didn't care for it. He is on my facebook, and here we are 7 months later, and he sends me a message the other night that said "hey, I really miss your texts". I exchanged polite convo with him about his life, and kids and such, and that was it.

It was funny to me, and not in a malicious way, but I really had to think to myself, well of course you miss my texts, but you sure didn't think too much about it when I was sending them. You hardly ever responded.

He just liked having that ego boost daily. Which is all wonderful, but I got absolutely nothing out of it. Probably why I lost interest so fast.

Its not a bad thing to send a birthday text, but it really is insignificant at this point. Better to leave it all alone, and not talk to him at all. You have left it on good terms, stay out of conversations with him completely, if you want any chance at all of remaining or reconnecting as friends. Sometimes you have to show them what they are missing, by not being available at all. You know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 2:21pm
Yes, it's not a good idea. Let him go. Why do you think you have to keep in contact with him? He's not bothering to call you, so he's not interested. Move on.

blackandwhite.jpg picture by nhgal2006

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love,
a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”
Mother Teresa

28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 9:25pm

i guess even if its pointless..i just wanted to do something to leave it on civil/good terms for the possible future when bad feelings of this disappear or whatever the case may be

i guess i just wanted to do it for neutral reasons..not that it will sweep him off his feet or make him think i am pathetic either..just something neutral i guess

is it the worst thing? :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 4:38am

no, it's not the worst idea. It's just pointless. He'll probably read it and say to himself "oh, OK" and then forget about it.

I understand you want to appear to be the 'bigger person' but honestly, I'm sure he won't even miss your text if you don't send it. Considering that he's now with someone else, sending it is just slightly tragic and sad on your part.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 2:56am



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 2:03am

actually..i don't think i am really expecting much from it..i am not expecting a grand gesture from him or for him to be swept off his feet b/c i texted him..i guess in some way i just didn't wanna close the book forever and ever and i feel like this will basically be the only opportunity to be in contact with him this summer or at all...and if i just leave things on a good time for the future, who knows what can happen..thats basically it..i guess to just leave things on decent terms for the possible long long term future?..

is it the worst idea?...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 10:43pm
well in some sense i feel like it will show i am the bigger, mature person

Trust me, it doesn't matter who the bigger, better person is. It feels important to you now but in time you'll look back at it and say to yourself "Well, that was pointless, wasn't it?". In this sort of thing it really pays just to move on. I'm agreed wholeheartedly with what true-blue-strine and coconut have to say.