Can't I hope for the man of my dreams?
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|Sun, 03-30-2003 - 7:22pm|
Like Artie, I tend to go out with anyone who asks me out at least once to see if there's anything in common. Yet, like Artie, I don't want to end up with someone who **I'm** not attracted to on a physical and emotional level--and can often tell if that potential is going to develop after 2 or 3 dates max. In fact although it took me a long time to be convinced "W" (the subject of my first post below) was someone I could truly love, I knew even from the first time I saw him, that that special, indefinable something, was there--and that's what I require before attempting a LTR with anyone.
Now, trust me, I'm not looking for someone who is movie-star attractive, a rocket scientist and all that, but I do want someone who connects well with ME and who is attractive to ME--to end up with anything less seems unromantic, and well, like settling. After having that special connection with "W" the thought of living my life with someone I don't connect with as well, is well...depressing. You know that sudden burst of happiness and elation you feel on a cloudy day when the sun comes out? That's how I felt when I was with "W"--and so the thought of settling for life with someone who makes me feel any less, who never makes the sun come out and instead being destined to a lifetime of cloudy days seems downright horrific--yet those people who have the power to bring out the sun in my life seem few and far between.
So why does it so easy for some people to always find those people they are attracted to and have relationships and why for some others is it so much harder? I have certain friends who have never been without a LTR for more than 3 months in their whole life. But for me, I've never seen the point of having a LTR with anyone where I don't feel that undescribable vibe that there's something there that's right for me, and thus have only had one serious relationship in my entire life. And others hop from LTR to LTR without a blip. In fact, one of the things that makes me most crazy about my breakup with "W" is that he is in a year long relationship with the third girl he went on a date with after our break up--granted 6 months had passed, but she was only the third girl he'd met since then. Knowing the special connection we had, and how rare such connection is, I find it next to impossible to believe he was able to find that same connection with someone else so quickly--I've met literaly dozens of men since him and have not felt anything close to it with any of them.
So what does it all mean? Do some people just have a much wider range of people they can be attracted to? Or are some people willing to settle for less than the ultimate match and just look for someone who is "good enough"? Am I being too romantic about the idea of true love? Am I wrong to want to believe that while there is more than one person out there for you, true love with someone you connect with body and soul is a rare and special thing and something worth waiting for? IS this possibly a gender difference? Are men more practical than women and thus willing to end up in a relationship with someone they are attracted to and have fun with even if they don't feel that ultimate connection? Are women being too idealistic and romantic and constantly searching for that knight in shing armor? Or is this an individualized difference that has nothing to do with gender? And which approach outlook is better?