Close/distant tug of war

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2009
Close/distant tug of war
6
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 11:16pm

This is in relation to platonic male friends, not a dating situation...

Why do some men have moments when they voluntarily (on their own, out of no where) open up about personal stuff, and act like you are a friend they truly value, and then soon after do a 180 and become distant and impersonal? This has happened a lot in my friendship history - only with men - and it baffles me. I'd like to avoid this, because it hurts when I try to be there for them, only to have them turn away when I am touched that it seems like we are reaching a deeper level of friendship... then as soon as I figure it was a fluke and that we just aren't really that close, these guys have another "intimate disclosure moment." Any ideas about why men act like this, and what I should do when this happens?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 1:19am

I'm not a guy but I think maybe

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 1:23am

I don't see this as a particularly male trait because I'm a woman and I do it too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 1:26am

>>But a guy might feel like he was being "mommy-ized." I would just back off and let them come and go with it as they want.<<

Yes, this is exactly how I feel when someone asks me about a problem next time they see me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Fri, 10-22-2010 - 1:22pm

I don't usually disagree with true.blue, cuz she does know her stuff, but I'd say this trait is consummately masculine.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010
Fri, 10-22-2010 - 8:35pm

ITA. Just because a female has a trait that is predominately of the male gender, doesn't change it from being a trait that's predominately of the male gender. It would never be 100%.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 10-23-2010 - 9:25pm

Brain sex is such a variable thing, isn't it.