Commitment Phobe Insight Needed
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|Thu, 04-24-2003 - 5:12pm|
I was seeing this woman for a couple months. We seemed really compatible, shared similar senses of humor, similar educational backgrounds etc. A sexual relationship was developing, and she was also expressing feelings for me. Nonetheless, I started to sense a push/pull forming once she admitted these feelings, and it seemed like she was trying to get me to end the relationship. The textbook responses, I guess:
sending mixed messages;scheduling time;compartmentalizing her life;starting to find faults in me;setting limitations and boundaries;jumping out of bed after sex (and then saying I kicked her out of bed);etc.
Right out of bizarro world.
Anyway, the panic levels finally got so high that she pulled away completely. Told me not to call, but said she would call me when she was ready (ho-hum; she takes control). The kicker was that she blamed me for pushing her away, when it really felt like she had her track shoes on from the beginning. It was an odd situation. Maybe I pushed the boundaries, but I also felt she was blurring them.
Logically, I know that the commitment phobia is the problem, not my desire for closeness/intimacy/affection. However, I did like this person and was really trying hard to get to know her. We haven't talked for about a month, as I am honoring her need for time and space.
For the ladies: Do I let this one go, or do I contact her, and let her know that I want to support her (she recognizes the issue)? I genuinely miss the dinners, movies, and just hanging out. We were a good match.
For the gents: How dangerous is this woman? I have never encountered this before in my life with a woman. Personally, I think she is a good person, but I also think she has the power to destroy men.
I have already adopted the attitude that it is "her loss". But I do care about her, and I'd like to think I could help her in some way.