confused.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
confused.....
5
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 4:35pm

I am not really sure how to put this. I have been with my bf for 6 months and things are really good between us for the most part.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
In reply to: phili2004
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 6:01pm

I agree that you can tell a lot by how a man treats his Mother. But on that same note, it is up to the Mother to command that type of respect from her children.

My DH is extremely loyal to his Mother, there is just simply no question. He insures life goes as his Mother instructed no if's and's or but's. In addition he always went way out of his way to please his Mother. And now that she has passed away, he insists we still maintain certain traditions in her honor.

My MIL was AWESOME. But she also knew how to keep her boys in line, and didn't hesistate to do so. You just simply never ever crossed MIL. From what I understand she was quite the grudge holder. I wouldn't know directly as I decided it would be in my best interest to not find out. I do know she held a grudge against her brother, and mentioned it often.

My Mom, is wonderful also. And both my Brothers would defend her honor to the death. But, when they are at home, the tables are turned and you usually see my Mom bending to their wants instead.

I think with you, if you are currently experiencing what is a balanced relationship at home, and he treats you with respect. It would continue, as long as you enforce those boundaries and expectations.

As for the career. I think a lot of it has to do with perspective and natural work traits. My DH is a workaholic, he can easily put in 75 hours a week. He will easily work 60 days straight if that is what he needs to do to get the job done. At one point in time he was working a 40 hour a week job. That is the maximum the job expected out of him, and he found himself antsy. Next thing I know, we are going through another round of Grad School (yes, not the first time) AND he started packing in the certification courses also. So, even when his job didn't demand his efforts like his current one does, he found ways to continue working.

A Realtor, Im thinking probably has a much different work environment. And for the majority of the Realtors I know, they choose the profession because of the flexibility of the job. The risk being that they aren't always going to be making a consistent paycheck. And there maybe periods of more work than others, but that comes along with the profession. I could see how an afternoon nap would be part of his regular routine. At 2pm a lot of people are working, and that is probably a slow period for Realtors. In fact most Realtors I know are Mom's and they chose the job because 99% of the time it allowed them to be readily available in the afternoons for their families.

Granted 6 months is still early in a relationship. Maybe it is time to start asking those more intimate questions. Like future outlook, financial goals and so on. And go from there.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
In reply to: phili2004
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 10:13am

Hi phili,


Yes, you do want to start discussing financial issues with your boyfriend,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
In reply to: phili2004
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 12:41pm

I think it all depends on what is most important to you, and remembering that nobody's perfect.


The parents thing may not be an issue. How he treats his mother is an indicator of how he'll treat you but not definite, especially if

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2008
In reply to: phili2004
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 9:14pm
It's not about how much money he is making or not making. Your comparing your money/work ethic to his. I see this relationship going in a very bad direction. I once dated a guy who only worked one job and worked for tips. At the time I was working two full time jobs and was always working my ass off. I eventually thought less of him, and thought of myself as superior. I had more motivation, commitment and a better future. Once I lost respect for him and his work ethic. Relationship was over. I don't think you think of him as an equal...

http://0urkorner.blogspot.com/

             &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: phili2004
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 10:14pm

How does he FEEL about his mother? While they may not communicate I think that the intentions and actions can say more about his feelings for her, for women in his life, that the verbal communication.

His work ethic. Well, I'm a bit the same as you in that I usually like to work hard and I don't worry too much about 60 hours a week if I feel it's important, interesting and getting me ahead. My wife thinks she works hard and she does - but she'd freak if she had to do 50 hours a week. Don't get me wrong, she's incredibly busy and active but long work hours are a low priority for her. She currently makes her normal reasonable salary in three, three and a half days a week. Could take on more work the other days but that would affect her lifestyle. I can't see why she won't work the five days myself. Drives me mad when she complains about not making enough money :-)

But I won't ever be able to change her. She doesn't understand me when I can't make it to family events because I'm working or would sacrifice an afternoon at the beach for an afternoon at the office.

Anyway, my advice to you? He's not going to change. Get used to it - that is, the hours he's prepared to work, the effort he's prepared to put in, and the money that he makes.