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|Fri, 02-01-2013 - 8:36pm|
I'm interested in a guy who has become one of my closest friends. We just started getting to know each other in late September where the first time we hung out we were with a mutual friend. About a week after, we went to a bar to watch a game together and talk. We ended up staying up all night watching movies and talking with some kissing. Afterwards, he told me how he wasn't ready to be in a relationship and wasn't sure how I was taking things. We never really discussed it after that and he started coming over every day. He then started telling personal things, about his past and his goals. Eventually he started sleeping over and we started fooling around. He would then told me that we should just go with the flow and see what happens and even had discussions of "If we were a couple". Sometime in late november, he started pulling away a bit (even though I would see him frequently) and I didn't know how to react and probably got too clingy. I know he told me how he wasn't ready for a relationship and wanted to work on himself.
We ended up having a huge discussion a few times about relationships and what we both wanted. He said something about how I was getting too comfortable and it was becoming too much of a relationship. All the while he has been telling me things before he told his other friends. A few weeks ago, we talked again in which I finally admitted I wanted more. He told me that while I was beautiul, he only saw me as a friend and he thought I deserved better than him. He also mentioned about how he isn't ready for a relationship because of his finincial situation and that he didn't want to "go there" again with relationships. He has been hurt in the past badly and has sworn himself against becoming attached to anyone. He told me that something was missing but that he wasn't going anywhere.
I'm not sure what to do or feel because I really thought he was starting to develop feelings for me too. We were basically in a relationship together before I got clingy or freaked out about where it was going. One of his closest friends told me how he thought that he was probably in denial or didn't realize what he felt yet. He mentioned the same things that the guy told me with not being in the place or feeling like he didn't have what he thought i deserved or knew how to juggle having a girlfriend and still doing what he wants in the future. He is someone that completely took me by surprise and is such a huge part of my life now. I care about him in a way that I didn't think was possible. It hurts me a lot to know that he doesn't see me as more. I guess I'm not sure what I should do. If i stay and hope for more or walk away from the friendship? We are still sometimes kissing/cuddling but it has decreased a lot. I could see more with this guy than just friends, I just wish there was a way to be more than friends.