a confusing situation...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
a confusing situation...
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 11:40am

So I've been dating this new guy for a month. We haven't kissed or anything sexual. We are more like friends you can say. But he calls our outings 'dates'.

So I have yet to tell him that I like him, but he is always telling me that he likes me a lot, blah blah blah (yet he hasn't tried to kiss me). I'm not too sure if i'm attracted to him yet. But I love talking to him (we talk on the phone for hours) and I always have a good time when we hang out.

So, I just found out that he broke up with his ex a year ago, but officially a month and ahalf ago. According to him things have been over for a while and they decided to just remain friends instead of trying to work it out.
Okay, so for his bday, last friday he asked me to meet him at a club where one of our mutual friends was celebrating his bday. He told me he will be showing up late since he will be going to dinner with his family( he is an extreme family guy, he actually already introduced me to his family). So he didnt show up until 3am, when I was leaving: upset.

He called the next day confessing that his mother had invited his ex and the mother decided to have a friends/family reunion instead. The family didn't leave till 1, and he had to take his aunt and ex back home (weird).

I mean he didn't have to tell me, since we are not a couple, but the whole thing just seems weird to me. So, I then go to his facebook and noticed that his ex had written a message the day of his bday saying this:" see you later my butt-head, muahhh (and a heart)." How weird????

We were supposed to go out this sat but he wants to reschedule for friday (this is the 1st time he does this; since he is always into hanging out all the time). I dont know what to think anymore.... I havent confronted him about the message or dont even know if I should keep going from here.

Pls help!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 1:49pm

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2006
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 4:38pm

"So, I just found out that he broke up with his ex a year ago, but officially a month and ahalf ago. According to him things have been over for a while and they decided to just remain friends instead of trying to work it out."

And it seems likely that what he hasn't told you is that he hasn't given up on getting back together with her...and from the sound of her comment on his fb page, she is giving him a reason for his optimism.

My advice is to either accept the fact that your relationship with him is nothing more than a friendship, or get out now, before you begin to "like" him even more. Even if things do not work out between them, you could very well become the "rebound" girl...the one whose purpose is to help him "heal" from the heartbreak--which is most often a "temporary" position.

No matter how much you may "like" him, "getting over" him will be much easier now, before you have become too emotionally (and physically) involved. Protect your heart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2009
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 5:22pm
off the top of my head it seems that you need more incident with this guy to clarify -- clarify if you are attracted to him, clarify his intentions with you, clarify your intentions with him -- it could be that he isn't clear about his situation, are things truly over with him and his
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 6:46pm

Githela, I'm sorry, but you're sitting squarely within "rebound territory" with him. Or you would be, if their relationship were truly over.

If it were really over with his ex, he wouldn't be friends with her so soon after their breakup. His ex writing notes like that on his wall, calling him "MY" butthead, him hanging out with her until late at night and driving her home instead of hanging out with you (yeah right about the aunt, he drove his EX home and pulled another person into the story so it wouldn't seem weird)... All signs point to them still being involved, whether they want to admit it or not.

I highly suggest you end it now and maybe tell him to give you a call when they've both moved on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2009
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 10:53pm

tough love time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2008
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 11:27pm
Def sounds like he is still involved with the ex. Run.



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 2:59am
Hi, the man sounds like a gentleman to me, not pushy and rushing you into a
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2010
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 11:23pm