Could mean something, maybe not?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Could mean something, maybe not?
5
Tue, 09-04-2012 - 8:45pm

Ok, I'm not sure I'm on the right board here but since he's a man, and I don't understand him, here I am. 

My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months. We don't live together and really have no plans to move in together anytime soon. He lives about 45 minutes from me and he works about a mile from his house. I have my kids here with me and I share custody with their dad who lives 4 miles from me. My kids go to school here and I couldn't move them to where he is. Not even sure if any of that matters, as it has nothing to do with my question. 

So.. we haven't really ever talked marriage, not seriously, anyway. He's known since the beginning that I do want to be married again someday, to the right person. (Hopefully him!) I never really bring it up since I'm not in a big hurry and I'm not even sure when/if he would be ready.  (By the way, I'm 39 divorced, he's 43 and never been married.) Every once in a while he says something that gets me wondering.

For example,In the past 2 months I've heard  'Guys on my softball team keep saying 'you  need to marry that girl'."  And one time when we were out driving around I would say something about not being able to afford this house or that house, and he makes comments like "Well if we were married and had combined incomes we could afford it." And then just yesterday, we were in the mall school shopping with my girls and we passed a couple jewelry stores. First he said, "Don't even look in there, turn the other way." and when he realized that the jewelry store didn't even faze me he said, "Ok, here's your chance, if you wanna go in there, lets go." I  just said, we're here to shop for the kids, not for jewelry. And he says "You're the only woman I know who doesn't want to look at diamonds. " 

So anyway... those are just a couple examples. And maybe they mean nothing at all. If so, I'm totally ok with that. But I'm just curious if it sounds like maybe he wants to start discussing marriage and is feeling me out, or  what?? I guess I would be pretty excited if he wanted to propose. Of course I love him dearly, as do my kids. But I just wouldn't expect it for some reason.  So what do ya'll think?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Re: Could mean something, maybe not?
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 4:02am

purp2010 wrote:
If you are interested in marriage with him, now or in the future, start picking up on his cues and discuss it. Men don't always know how to start these discussions, and there should be many discussions about marriage before a proposal. 

pal1214-

Yes, your boyfriend is definitely interested in marrying you. Otherwise, he wouldn't have made those comments. I agree with purp2010 that you need to respond. Let him know as clearly as possible what your timeframe for getting married is, as well as about whatever may give you reservations. Having been married and divorced before, it is understandable that you might want to proceed cautiously. However, failure to respond at all could be misinterpreted as a lack of interest.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 4:03am

Seems like he's definitely open to marriage. Being 43, he knows that his time is ticking and you have only a few years left if he wanted to have kids with you. He is feeling you out because while 9 months is a nice run for a relationship, it is too early to commit for him. Most divorces happen because both partners rush in hastily due to societal pressures to get married without fully understanding each other. I think he wants to make sure that he does not make that mistake. Although, one cannot fully analyze individuals or how they "click" based on textual comments within a discussion board, it would not be out of the question to expect a possible proposal from him early next year.