Could use ALL the advice i can get.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Could use ALL the advice i can get.....
2
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 12:57am
My problem is..I dont know how to chose between my ex and a guy i am kinda interested in at church. Me and my ex have been broken up for about 2-3 months, but we have talked about getting back together,and trying to fix our past problems inbetween. Just yuesterday we got into a fight and i said some things i shouldnt have and he said somethings he shouldnt have. We both apologized for them today, but one thing he said really bothered me. He told i wasnt good in bed. He was my first, and when he said that i was mortified. I cried and didnt know what to do. I dont know if he actually meant it, or was just doing it to piss me off/hurt me. I mean he did apologize for it, but he sounded pretty sincere when he said it. I still care about him alot, but i dont know if the love is still there like before, or even at all. I would miss him if he was gone out of my life for good, but sometimes i think that is the best thing to do,but its hard to do. This guy at church..He is someone i met awhile back..I dont know if hes shy, or if just doesnt like me!! He would have no reason to, but he didnt say hi to me until a few days back when my mom told him my name so he could sign a book out from our library. *im the librarian* He was at our church for a month before he even bothered talking to me, and i feel like he only did because he had to inorder to sign out a book. We have spoken about twice in a month, and i dont know if its because he's shy or if he just isnt interested. I dont know how to tell the difference. He seems to just come and go in the library. He stares at me quite abit,actually alot, and he does say hi here and there..but not as much as i would like him too. Things are moving slower then i would like between us, but how do i show him i am interested? and move along more quickly without seeming too pushy? Sometimes girls do have to make the first move..But how?

Any suggestions?

Thnx

Crystal

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 6:42pm
No worries Crystal. As far as the ex goes, we've all pretty much been there, or WILL be there. Long term relationships are extremely difficult to get over, but if you're fighting and not getting along, then you are most likely better off apart. Love will have it's ups and downs, but I think it should be more about best friends, good times together and enjoying eachother. I had spent many years fighting, and I guess I learned the hard way, but I'll tell ya, I'll never fight like that again!

The new guy...If he's staring, *AND* he comes into the library often, then chances are, he's infatuated! :) I'd be casual about it. Maybe say hi to HIM one day instead of waiting for him to do it. Possibly ask him if he'd like to get some coffee or lunch one day. Even ice cream could be casual and fun. Point I'm trying to get at? If you're not sure, then be friendly, nothing more. If he thinks you're hard to approach, he may never try, but if he sees that you are fun and friendly in a casual manner, he may be more inclined to make a move and ask you out. Don't ask him to dinner or a movie, as these are more "date-like" and more formal than coffee or lunch. Just get to know him. You are recently single and whether you believe it or not, you will need a LOT of time to heal and be yourself again. One day down the road, you'll know what I mean by that.

Give it a try and good luck sweetie! It will be okay either way!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 4:09am
I agree about the ex too. He is such a jerk sometimes! actually most of the time!! We fight too much, but i find it really hard to just let go for good. About the new guy..

He does stare quite abit..But it seems like he only comes into the library when he was a reason to. Like when he first came in there he was just checking it out and the most recent time he was in there it was because my mom JOKINGLY said hey maybe you should go get her and tell her to come out. *My mom wanted me to hurry up, but i was moving quite slow* and he came in there and said hey..and smiled..and then told me my mom wanted to me hurry...But then he left right after..Didnt really stick around to talk...But then again i dont know him very well either..So could it be he is just shy? and he may think im too good for him? Saying hi to him first is an excellent idea!! Your so right about how it would make me look more approchable if i didnt seem that way right now! So brilliant idea! I was scared to say hi first, but now that you told me just exactly why i should..I'm going to... :) I do sometimes already, but not enough..and i guess i could be more friendly/cheery! I have church on Wednesday and im hoping we'll talk alittle bit more then just a "Hello".. I dont want to ask him out for ice cream or coffee...I think its too soon for me...lol..Im a little shy for that still! But how can i strike up a conversation without seeming to eager to talk?

Thnx!!

Crystal