Could you forgive him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Could you forgive him?
15
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 8:47pm

Here's some history of me and my friend. We've known each other a year now, when we met he was dating this girl. Early summertime she cheated and he left her, and we became best friends practically overnight. At the time we lived right around the corner from each other, so it was convenient that we were always right there. So naturally we started hanging out a lot... all the time... almost everyday. Throughout the summer we became even closer, and spending more and more time together, and the summer ended with us partying together every single party... every single time. We partied a lot last summer ;) Every weekend, and often during the week too (please no lectures about partying, we're all responsible and still go to work the next morning and that is what matters at the end of the day). So, we were attached at the hip by the end of summer. I would stay over all the time. Often we would just lay in bed and talk forever, usually about nothing LOL.

October is when we started hooking up. The *ONLY* reason why I decided to go into a FWB situation with him is because he IS the coolest, most laid back friend I had ever had at that point. And out of all guy friends I've had, he would be the easiest to carry out a FWB relationship. I've never entered into a FWB with those strict intentions from the beginning, but I've definitely had relationships that eventually turned to FWB before ending. We understood each other so well, we both knew that it was strictly FWB from the beginning anyways. (And trust me, there is no questioning it... I want kids, marriage and all that, and he wants to move to NYC and not need a car and never get married & kids. So yeah, no question about it that a relationship would lead absolutely nowhere with us).

So not only are we best-best friends, but hooking up also.

Friday the 12th I drove us to an art walk, and a concert. He claimed he was flat broke so I paid for everything which wasn't an issue because we've both done this as a favor to each other when we were broke at the moment and just paid the other person back. I paid for some chocolates we each got that night, and he got into the concert for free (ONLY because he was with me), bought him a few beers at the show, and went back to his house that night. I spent roughly $30 on him that night and drove about 40 miles extra since I had to pick him up since he said he had no gas.

Not a single faint of a thank you. But whatever I blew it off because that is just him, it's not just me that he does it to, so whatever. Saturday the 13th he COMPLETELY blew me off that night. We had made plans earlier in the week to hang out that night because I didn't want to spend Valentines weekend alone by myself lol. Up until 11pm he had been texting me telling me he was still coming. Never heard from him again after 11pm. I just ended up getting pissed off and going to sleep.

Couple days later I went to dinner with a friend after work. My guy friend called and said he'd be around the corner from me and I could stop by after dinner to pick up the money he owes me. Says he'll be at his friends house "for a while". An hour later he calls and says he's leaving. I said give me 5 minutes and I'll be there. He says he's already in his car, so I said fine just swing by where I'm at and drop it off..... his EXACT response..... "that is 3 miles out of my way" (NOTE: as of a few weeks ago he now lives about 20 minutes away, not as convenient as before)

So I pretty much hung up on him when he said that. Seriously? 3 miles out of his way and I drove him all over the place the other night, and loaned him money to have a good time, AND he still got some at the end of the night... and I didn't even get a thank you? And now it's the end of the world that I ask him to go 3 miles out of his way?

It gets better...

Next day we had planned all day that he was going to hide the money outside of his house and I'll just pick it up after work. We started discussing this around noon, and I didn't leave work til' 9. So I get off work, go drive 20 miles out of my way (in the absolute opposite direction of where I live) and look in the spot where he said the money was, and it's not there. I call him and he says "yeeeeeeeeah I forgot to put it there" and before I could say anything else (I think he knows his head was about to get bitten off) he says "and I didn't have time to text you"

Really? Didn't have 20 *seconds* to save me 20 miles, 40 minutes, and 2 gallons of gas for absolutely nothing? SERIOUSLY?!?! It would've taken literally 20 seconds to text and tell me he forgot.

I cut the conversation there. I thought about it for a few moments and sent him a text saying "fine, but since I haven't asked you for a dime of the gas I spent the other day, now I want the 2 gallons of gas I just wasted" and he said no!!!!!!!! NO?!?! Are you freaking kidding me? After everything I've done for him, and I've never asked for a dime for gas, and he says no? That Friday not was nothing special, I've done that PLENTY of times... where I drove around to make sure he's having a good time.

Would you seriously & honestly forgive this? He says it was a mistake and that I'm overeacting. Yes, I went on this huge rant telling him I'm not his POS ex girlfriend who treats people badly, and that I'm actually a GOOD person, and you shouldn't do that to good people. And yeah, he says I'm over-reacting. So after letting that sink in for a few hours, I sent him one last text this past Sunday night saying "fine, if it was a mistake you can make my day this week by asking me to dinner". That was Sunday. No response.

Yes, obviously he has douche baggy moments... but can you honestly say it would be easy to just get rid of the person that you have been attached at the hip with for the past several months? I love the kid to death. There is no chance of a relationship, and our fwb has been going separate ways anyways.

Idk. I am SO torn over this. I feel like I'd be letting myself down by forgiving this... but at the same time, AM I over-reacting? Do you honestly think that was a mistake? I'm hooked on the fact that he didn't take 20 seconds to prevent me from wasting my time like that. That was crappy plain and simple, but he doesn't see it like that.

I appreciate anyone who took the time to read that, trust me, if it didn't matter to me A LOT I wouldn't have typed this whole thing out :D




Passion Parties by Stephanie featuring sensual goodies to keep that fire going in the bedroom!!
Confidential online ordering
Not happy with your current J.O.B. (just over broke)

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 10:03pm

I suppose you could look at it two ways.

First, if he's a "super laid back guy" then you spending $30 or whatever on him on the Fri night was something I'm sure that he appreciated but he didn't consider it to be a big deal. "Friends do these things for friends....." However, you want the CASH back so you DO think it's a big deal. He's a bit surprised by that attitude because bros wouldn't get upset over something little like $30 and would just put it down as brotherly stuff and it'd be a favour to be repaid one day, maybe..... dude.....

Second, could be he's quite purposely ripping you off and fully intended to take advantage of your friendship but has been caught out because you're not prepared to let it lie.

Whatever it is, the two of you clearly have two very different ideas about what should happen here. Maybe you'll just have to realise that he's a good friend (and a good lay) that you simply don't lend money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 10:06pm
well I took the time to read it. On my phone too it seemed super long lol. But in my opinion, since you know there is no real future with him... I would just cut your losses. Keep on going out and find a new BFF. Guys always think it's you overreacting, it couldn't possibly be their faults lol. You seem like a good person, so I would hate for you to contine and get hurt again. I'm sure he could have said something like... Well you could have texted me to make sure I left the money and really make it your fault lol. Well no matter what you decide good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 9:27am

Sounds like this relationship has run its course. You said you didn't want to be alone on Valentine's day. Wouldn't it have been better to spend time with someone who adores you and wants to spend their life with you? You said that it's your goal to get married and have kids. Why don't you spend your time in pursuit of this, instead of wasting time with

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 1:44pm
Personally, I think this FWB thing has run its course. Chalk it up as an experience and just move on. Sure, it's $30+ but that's not the end of the world. Get on with your life and find someone who has the same goals in a relationship that you do.




stpatricksday.gif picture by nhgal2006


I used to believe in forever,
but forever was too good to be true.
Winnie the Pooh
button2-13.jpg image by nhgal2006



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 7:48pm

I think putting the FWB thing aside....he is a friend...and he has messed up...by inconviencing you the whole time....when I read that you drove 20 miles to pick up 30 bucks...I was wondering why?!

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2008
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 7:50pm
It's obvious your totally into him, and mad about how things are ending...did you secretly hope it would turn into something? Sounds like you did. Sorry.

http://0urkorner.blogspot.com/

             &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 11:39pm
Yeah I definitely have noticed that about him, that it just PAINS him to admit when he's done something wrong lol. Typical typical guy. I've known plenty of guys, but this one takes the cake on having issues admitting when he's in the wrong.



Passion Parties by Stephanie featuring sensual goodies to keep that fire going in the bedroom!!
Confidential online ordering
Not happy with your current J.O.B. (just over broke)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 11:44pm
Oh trust me, if I had a better choice to pick that night, I would've :/ We've just kinda been the default for each other. Like Christmas... when everyone else is off spending time with their families and significant other... me and him each only have 2 family members (all other family has passed or is estranged), and each other. So before AND after Christmas we hung out, because it's convenient. Both of us have been single for quite some time, so I guess you could say we've just gotten used to each other? Content? Content that there is another body present. It doesn't matter if that body represents a boyfriend, or just a friend, or inbetween, just somebody... ya know? As I mentioned each of us have very little family, so it gets lonely quickly & easily.



Passion Parties by Stephanie featuring sensual goodies to keep that fire going in the bedroom!!
Confidential online ordering
Not happy with your current J.O.B. (just over broke)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 11:53pm

I needed the money at that moment to pay some bills, that's why I was just going to go out of my way to go get it. And it was a total of $60 that he owed me, which I just finally got last Friday. He dropped it off at a mutual friends house (like I had asked him to).

And I *at minimum* would've accepted an apology. But he literally fought me on it. I completely poured out how I felt, and how pissed off I was, and that I've never been treated like such dirt by someone that was supposed to be my BEST friend. And he just simply said he did nothing wrong, that he forgot, and I'm over-reacting. Like I mentioned in my post I flat out told him he could start to make it up to me by asking me to dinner this week, that was Sunday... it is now Friday night. He facebook invited me to a party he was throwing tonight, and I immediately responded no. The people he parties with now annoy me. We still haven't talked since Sunday. Both of us have been waiting for MONTHS for Alice in Wonderland to come out, and it comes out next weekend, it's been assumed for weeks that he's going with me and my group of friends, but who knows. I'm not mean enough to uninvite him, so he might just show up.




Passion Parties by Stephanie featuring sensual goodies to keep that fire going in the bedroom!!
Confidential online ordering
Not happy with your current J.O.B. (just over broke)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sat, 02-27-2010 - 12:01am

I was head over heels for him at one point, and *USED TO* question my feelings all the time (from October-December). But I always come back to reality when I remember that we could never have a real relationship. We want absolute opposite things out of life. I want a family, kids, marriage that whole package... and he's totally opposite. He shows no affection for his significant other (I know, when I met him he had a girlfriend of 2+ years). I would kill a guy in the first week of dating him with NO affection whatsoever ;) Haha I'm sure you know what I mean. Like I don't need A LOT, but everyone needs at least a little, right? Lol! He doesn't even show a little.

But I will definitely say with all the time we've spent together, and how much fun we have together, I have considered him practically my life mate. If you know what I mean? Like that best friend that you'll have for the rest of your life and be there no matter what. Even after I find someone and get married and such, I will still need my other side kick to hang out with. And that's who I thought he was going to be. So I definitely did hold him to a higher standard than the majority of guys I know. That's why I posted on here, to see if I was the crazy one and just over-reacting :)




Passion Parties by Stephanie featuring sensual goodies to keep that fire going in the bedroom!!
Confidential online ordering
Not happy with your current J.O.B. (just over broke)

Pages