Coworker Crush Falling Apart
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|Sat, 11-23-2013 - 5:08pm|
Hiya, here's the story. I've worked with this guy for 9 years, and to be honest, I've always had a mini-crush on him. It's nothing serious, but it's there. He's very physically attractive, and gets a lot of attention from ladies. Things were pretty good for about 7-8 years. Our work roles are more entwined than a lot of other people's we work with. But we each work in virtually same-gender departments. I work with all women, him with all men. Even before I had a crush on him (and what I think lead to it) the women would talk about how cute we'd be together, blahblahblah. The other guys give me a hard time and say stuff about how he goes out of his way to work with me. Aside from the crush, I do value him on projects and feel like I'm closer to him as a human than the other staff. We still joke around sometimes, but...
The thing is about a year ago, things seemed to shift overnight. Out of nowhere he started being rather rude and dismissive of me. Figured something going on outside of me, since I didn't do anything, and brushed it off. It seemed personal though, one specific instance, there were 5-6 of them working on a project as I left, and every said good night to me but he stared straight ahead and ignored me. Things got better a few months later...but he's become very passive-aggressive. We had a 45 minute conversation that involved me saying Y should be done, him insisting X. Eventually, I agreed to X because it's more of his specialty, and he said, 'okay I'll do Y'. So I'd agree to Y, he'd question why not X. repeat. 45 freaking minutes.
It hurts my feelings because he used to be dependable and we got stuff done. Now, anything involving him becomes a hurtful headache for me. I take it so personal and I'd like to talk to him about it. I've tried to communicate better, when I ask for things let him know I value his input, etc. It's not working. I just don't know how to approach the conversation. Technically, I'm his boss, but I'd like for it to be more of a person-to-person conversation than a lecture to an employee. It's getting pretty bad, I was so frustrated with him on Friday that I acted like a complete child and stormed away from him. Later on in the night I yelled, why are you so mean to me???? then told him to leave me alone and find something to do. I'm worried the stress he puts on our relationship, is pushing me so far away it's going to be at a point of no return. It's like I can't figure out the right way to show him that I care.