Cruel Intentions

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Cruel Intentions
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 1:49pm
My boyfriend wants to do something similiar to Cruel Intentions or Dangerous Liaisons. He has never seen those movies, but his idea reminded me of those films. You know, seduce an "innocent" or shy and somewhat conservative woman, corrupt her, play mind games and lead her on into our bed.

I thought all he wanted was a ménage a trios, I told him it is not too hard to find a woman who would fancy joining a couple. But he insisted on the seduction. Then it dawned on me that it is not so much the sex or menage a trois that he finds so thrilling as much as the power, seduction and entrapment.

I would enjoy a menage a trois with my lover, but I feel somewhat uneasy about the method of persuasion. Yes, it's just a game, but I told him that people's feelings are REAL. He wants me to be his partner in crime, but I think it is not a game if the "weapons" we are using are real. He thinks I am being uptight and too "no-nonsense." Does my boyfriend need to see a therapist? Am I too uptight or do I have a point?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 2:15pm
Title: Your boyfriend needs to see a therapist, and you do as well if you agree to this, or stay in a relationship with him.

He clearly has deep-seated issues in that led him to have a lack of regard for other humans. The fact that he isn't using a gun to harm this person or force his will on them is irrelevant.

I am reminded of the couple here in Canada that picked up and drugged unsuspecting women, so that the BF could have sex with them against their will, along with torturing and violating them with objects, all of which was filmed. This culminated in the couple drugging the SISTER of the female partner, ON CHRISTMAS DAY. Her rape and molestation of course followed this. What they had not planned on was the younger sisters death, an unanticipated affect from the drugs, combined with holiday alcohol over indugence. If their is indeed karma in this world, that bastard gets butt raped on a daily basis in prison.

Yes...I know...right now you are thinking, "I'd never do anything like that". I am sure that they would have said the same thing...had you asked them prior to their first drug and rape adventure.

You BF is deeply disturbed...anyone who can only feel validation by taking advantage of others, without regard to their humanity is deeply disturbed. And this post, along with your previous one, makes me wonder about your self-esteem in that you chose to remain with him. First, you are willing to sleep with him even though he as told you he doesn’t want a relationship with you (on a “break”...yeah, right.) Next he says he wants to have sex with you and another woman, who the two of you will deceive so that he can get what he wants…which is to humiliate this person, and move them away from their moral conviction center (because, like you told him, finding a partner for a threesome actually wouldn’t be that hard…but that won’t satisfy him) and you should go along with this, even though he isn’t your BF (because, remember, you are on a break…).

You deserve better than this pathetic SOB…

Therapy...before either of you does real damage to yourselves or the world you live in.

You have been warned.

I change my need to see a shrink even if you leave this bastard. You need to understand why you have spent 3 years of your life with him. Problems with his family indeed. He has problems with humanity...

Edited 4/14/2003 2:25:14 PM ET by gogobear

Edited 4/14/2003 2:41:13 PM ET by gogobear

Avatar for mamma2my3sons
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 2:38pm
you both need to see shrinks. Gogo is absolutely right. Your boyfriend is a sick person and you are equally desparately in need of help in that you would even entertain this sick idea for a second. The fact that you are still even speaking to this "person" speaks volumes of the depth of YOUR own problems.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 2:50pm
Simple rules to live by: Harm no one.

If you are intentionally harming someone, then there is a problem. If you are getting pleasure by harming someone else, there is a much bigger problem.

There *are* people in this world, who don't mind being "harmed". It is a form of balance and pleasure for them. If he was suggesting seeking someone of this nature out, then that would be a different story. Everyone has different kinks. To suggest seeking out an "innocent" and corrupting them via mind games... He really needs to see someone about this. Especially when there are better alternatives that don't result in semi-permanent damage to an innocent.

Please don't even consider such a thing.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 3:05pm
Title: I'd like to point something out...

Dangerous Liaisons is one of my all-time favorite movies.

At the end of Dangerous Liaisons, pretty much everybody dies or ends up with a life of total misery because the person they loved died. There IS meant to be a lesson in that!!

I'm speaking to you as a woman who's been a "third" for a number of couples over almost a decade. I have an ongoing relationship with a married couple right now. What your bf is proposing is HORRIBLE, AWFUL, VILE, and DISGUSTING. He is proposing DELIBERATELY HURTING another human being, in a way from which she may or may not EVER RECOVER. I wonder how this dude would feel if he found out that a couple had "played this game" with his little sister, or his mother? What does he think is going to happen to this person when the "game" is over?

Yes, he needs therapy. Big-time therapy to find out why he gets off on the notion of harming innocent people.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 5:53pm
Well, let's hope he's an excellent judge of character as far as choosing a doormat goes. Because if he runs into someone who is just as vicious, evil, cruel and userous - for all he and you know, that person will be playing mind and body games with you two in every capacity, including with your body parts while dismembered.