dating....exclusivity...

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Registered: 04-01-2014
dating....exclusivity...
Tue, 04-01-2014 - 7:54am

Hello all. I was in a relationship for 5 years where I had a 3 1/2 year old daughter, she is my only child. I have been single for 9 months and have dated around with no interest in anyone. I get asked out a lot, people tell me I am a catch, but I had not found the right guy for me.

So, that leads into this situation, and my advice topic, which is, I have met someone that I feel is perfect for me and everything is incredible between us, but I need to determine where to go with things as far as communicating about the very necessary "what are we conversation" because of my own beliefs, morals, and feelings. Here's the background on "us." Tell me your advice on what I should do with things next.

We met on an online dating site, where he emailed me and said "I would love to meet you" and I checked out his profile, and responded and told him that he seemed like a really great guy, and that I liked how much we had in common (our commonalities are STAGGERING, I will get into that later), and I asked if he was on Facebook. He said yes, so we found eachother on facebook, and began to see in doing so that we have a lot in common. So, we went on a first date, and here's the amazing things that have happened.

We met at the restaurant, for our first date, and sat down for a drink together. We instantly hit it off. We discovered through talking for about 3 hours that we have a thousand things in common....... I am 35 and he is 39, we are both into fitness, we are both into boating, we have the same parenting views (very important!), we both have joint custody, we both like the same EXACT types of music and are music buffs and concert buffs, we both have 1 daughter (his is 9, mine is 3), we both have a very funny and sarcastic sense of humor, we both operate our own businesses, we both like to travel to the same locations such as Mexico, certain areas of Florida, he has an older brother 2 years older than him, I have an older sister 2 years older than me, we both have a family vacation home that we each go to with our families, we drive the SAME CAR in different colors (so crazy!), we like the same sports teams, we have the same three favorite foods, we like all the same other  foods, we have the exact same political views, we wear the same brands of clothing......I  could go on like this for a while. It's staggering. We literally discovered all of this on our first date. It was amazing. So, first date was amazing, we talked and lauighed all night, then he gave me the MOST AMAZING KISS that we both literally had to pry ourselves away from and go "okay.....we both need to go home and have another date soon." And we said that to eachother, outloud, very openly and matter of factly, smiling. LOL. And we started keeping in touch by text message throughout the day each day and have for the last month.

Second date, he took me to a great sushi restaurant, and again, we had an amazing time where we talked all about music all night, and how we have been to a lot of the same concerts, old memories from when we were younger, our families, we talked and laughed and connected for over 5 hours, never an awkward moment, like two old friends....we again had a very amazing kiss at the end of our date, and agreed that we need to get together again. And arranged by text a third date....

Third date, we went out to dinner again, watched basketball together which we both love, had a great meal, laughed, talked about more things in common...went to his house to play a game of pool....had an amazing kiss that led to our first time having sex, the sex was amazing, we connected on an incredible level during sex, in a way I have NEVER experienced before....I stayed the night.... we have kept in touch ever since....and we are now going to see eachother this upcoming Saturday.....

So....I am at a point of, I know that I am falling in love with him, and I am fine with that, LOL, because he is AMAZING and is everything I could ever want.  However, I want to know that he's in the same place I am as far as where we are at, and I feel like I need to talk to him about exclusivity at this point not only now that intimacy has happened, and I think that intimacy in dating equals exclusivity, but also because I know we are so very right for eachother. We both had on our profiles that we were looking for a relationship with the right person, so I do know he's not looking to just "no commitment, casually date" forever or something. I actually checked the dating site the other day to "hide" my profile (you can do that on this site, and no one can see it anymore), and I discovered that his profile had been removed....telling me that he is not casually dating other women. And then as of yesterday, I removed my own profile as well, just knowing how I feel is that I don't want to date other people. So, I guess where I am at is this: I am about to fall head over heels in love with this man, and I need to know that he's seeing what I'm seeing too. And I am at a point in life where I not only don't have time for something that's not going to be potentially long-lasting, but I also don't want to get hurt. So......I want to have the "talk" with him about where we are at and that I think that we should be exclusive and that I'm falling in love with him. But I also don't want to chase him away and make him think I'm some crazy person that just falls in love with anybody or everybody after 3 dates!! Ha ha. And I also don't want him to feel like....pressured.....like all of a sudden I'm hearing wedding bells or something crazy, which would make some men RUN at the concern of too much commitment too fast, especially someone that is as great of a catch as he is, because he's very successful and attractive, and probably has had women that are wrong for him "fall for him" a lot (or fall for his money,he's somewhat wealthy, which I could care less about, because I have my own money, nor am I a materialistic person like that). So......what would you do??? I feel the conversation could go something like this......

Next date, when we head back to his or my place after our date, have a little casual chat with him before things get intimate, Tell him that he is amazing, that I don't want to date anyone else, and I hope he feels that way too, and that I see really amazing things between us that I have never had before and feel for him a way I have never felt before. Then say....I think for me that means exclusively dating, and I want to know where you are at, too. And then just let him say where he's at, and pray to god that he's in the same spot. Ha ha ha

Thoughts??? I'm scared, I don't want throw a monkey wrench into a really great thing, but I also don't need the heartache of being in two different places with things and like....for example....never having "the talk" and me assuming we are exclusive, when he is seeing other people, and doesn't see what I see. I do feel like being exclusive is what I know I want, deserve, and need with him, in order to continue to see eachother. So, would you just say to him the above information that I am wanting to say to him? Or should I let him initiate it??? As the guy???

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