deciphering man speak

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
deciphering man speak
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 11:43pm

Recently, I made contact with an old boyfriend, whom I hadn't spoken to in almost 7 years. I sent him a letter, just wondering how he was, etc., not really expecting a relationship to come of it. Anyway, within 10 minutes of getting my letter he called me, but I wasn't home. So, he sent an email to me. I received his email the next morning, and wrote back explaining I didn't get home until late, so I hadn't returned his call. So we agreed I would call that night, which I did, and we talked for over an hour. He mentioned that he was in the middle of moving to a new home and that after the move, we could meet for beer. Then we decided to meet for lunch the next day.

Meet for lunch, and it was a tad ackward, but we made it through it and both seemed to have a good time. So as we are leaving, he told me to keep in touch and to give him a call. So I guess my question is, when a guy asks the woman to call him, is it b/c he is too chicken to actually make plans for a date and wants to leave it up to the woman to give him the green light, OR is it just his polite way of saying he really doesn't want to see me again? I ended a 5 year realtionship about 6 months ago, so I am needing a refresher course on dating and just what exactly a man is trying to tell you. Any thoughts, advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 8:20am
Title: As I have posted here at various times through the years...

...amongest the things that seperate men and women is that unlike women, men typical do NOT speak in code...thus there is nothing to "decipher". I know this is a hard concept to grasp because it seems women FREQUENTLY speak in code, but, again, typically, men don't.

He Said: "keep in touch and to give him a call."

He Meant: "keep in touch and to give him a call."

I mean, what could be more plain? You email him...he calls INSTANTAEOUSLY, and then emails you when he doesn't get you on the phone. When you guy do connect, you talk for over an hour. He makes plans to see you the VERY NEXT DAY, and after a good time was had by all, he then asks you to call him.

No, this doesn't mean he is readying a marriage doesn't even necessarily mean heis looking to resume your relationship, but I think we can assume it does mean that he'd like you to "keep in touch and to give him a call." And yes, if you are determined to translate that into some further meaning, I'd say that it means he is really open to another meeting, but having done everything I listed above, he'd like to know that YOU are interested in another meeting.

What should do about this is up to you. What do you WANT to do? Do you want to "keep in touch and to give him a call." Then, by all means do so. That is my advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 8:58am
I won't call a man who tells me to call him especially if he has my number - I will say - "or of course you can call me"- but if you know this person from before I don't see why not - my guess is he is not interested in a romantic relationship given the awkwardness of the lunch - if there were chemistry it might still have been awkward but more because of the "sparks"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 10:13am
Had I been interested, I would have made an attempt to find out if I could call you to do something. Either you said something that scared him or he had anticipated too much before hand and was let down by the reality that you two are just a couple of people meeting for lunch. He may have thought you wanted to get back with him because you contacted him and since you might not have been as forward, he took it as rejection. These are all just ideas of what may have been going through his mind, but I think if he had been interested, he'd have wanted to set a date or asked if he could call you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 3:29pm
Jesus, ARE YOU ME? This is insane. I did the same thing about two months ago. I sent an old boyfriend of seven years ago a friendly letter. He called me the second he got it, we talked for over an hour. He lives about two hours away now, so he came down to see me that weekend. It was a great time, and we have been dating for the past two months. Like you I got out of a long term (four year) relationship in June and therefore am CLUELESS and not experienced with "dating," so I have really have had to just wing it. SO far so good, I guess. It's tough because you have old feelings, new feelings, and are afraid of getting in too deep again for fear of another break up with this person. It sort of sounds like he is waiting for you to make the next move. He initiated the lunch, you initiate the next meeting.

Couple of questions:

1 - Did you feel chemistry at your lunch date? Did he kiss you?

2 - Did you get the feeling he was more into being friends or actually starting a relationship?

3 - Do you know if he is IN a relationship?

4 - Why did you guys break up in the first place? For me and my old/new boyfriend we had a terrible falling out (it was ugly) but I guess through all these years, we still had feelings for each other - in general, the timing back then was just NOT right for us.

Sister, you can email me at anytime. I would love to be pen pals with you because we are going through such a weirdly similar thing!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 4:07pm
Title: Birds of a feather...

This sounds like really good advice. She is lucky to have your support, and you are good to offer it...