dh jerk for whining @ parents' money?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2007
dh jerk for whining @ parents' money?
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 12:03am

I've been married for 6 years. since the beginning my hubby has

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 12:13am
I agree, their money belongs to them, and it is presumptious for anybody else to feel entitled to it. I've heard people act like this before and wanted to ask them if they're five years old or what, that they think mommy or whoever is supposed to provide for them. Maybe he feels bad about not being able to provide well, and is trying to make himself feel better by deflecting the blame. I wouldn't discuss it with him any more. We're probably all a little unreasonable in one way or another. What if you just let him keep his incorrect opinion on that issue, and when he starts, tell him you don't want to hear it and leave the room. You know, like say okay, he's got an opinion that's stupid, who cares. Do your parents give support to your sister? It would hurt my feelings if one of my sibs got a lot and we needed it too but didn't. But even then we would not be entitled.

Edited 3/8/2010 12:20 am ET by newyearpub
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2007
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 12:21am
yes, they have helped my sib more, but their circumstances were different and I'm not bitter about it. DH is. I feel like it's a character flaw to feel entitled to other people's money. I think I will try to ignore him next time it comes up, it just stabs me in the heart, though, because I wonder if I married the wrong man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 4:06am
I understand. It is not an attractive opinion, that's for sure. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 5:59am

It's none of his business how much money your folks have, what they do with their money or who they give it to, it's their money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 7:35am
Please do not even consider having another child until this all gets resolved. Your parents money is theirs to do whatever they want with it. It is not up to them to support their adult, married children. Think long and hard as to if this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2008
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 3:19pm
Sounds like the second baby is putting pressure on him. I would reconsider until you all are both ready for another. My DH's parents have tons of money, and I was raised poor. I'm sorry, but I get upset if they buy me lunch. Their money is their money that they have worked hard for, I would feel horrible taking it. I don't understand you DH's point of view, but it's not for me to judge. It sounds like you have already made up your mind, it's a question of what are you going to do about it?



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2007
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 5:49pm

Thanks everyone. He is an extremely hardworking individual who happens to also be immature. He is, however, working to change our situation financially (as am I).

I agree that baby 2 needs to wait a bit. I'm just getting older, want more kids, and feel biological pressure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 8:11pm

Well, you could always stop at baby number one if the financial pressure is too much. It sure sounds like its putting the pressure on Mum and Dad. I'm sure that you hate that idea, but hey, why have another if you can't afford it and it'll break the family up? These days kids are a choice more than some right, you know?

No, he shouldn't be worried about your parents money. It's their money they can do what they please with it. Yes, it does suck a bit though if they've help out the other siblings more and now their situation has changed. He should get over it though.

How much pressure are you putting on him to have another child you can't afford?

He may not have done well financially but you can't agonise or complain about that either. Things are what they are. His ability to provide now is what it is now. Yes, he can improve them in the future but the future doesn't feed another baby now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2007
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 6:06am

I feel sorry for you. It is probably why your husband has not done well in his own life. Instead of doing things himself and being a success he looks to other people. BIG MISTAKE!

It's their money, not his. I would tell him get over it and get to work. I see this as a major character flaw in a man. You could get professional help, both of you. Perhaps he can change but only if he wants to.

I would tell him YOU are not accepting ANY money from your parents and he better just get on with being the provider OR I would hit the road. If you cannot afford therapy, you sure cannot afford another child. Actually you cannot afford NOT TO GO.

The other terrible thing about accepting other people's money is you allow them some control of YOUR life. You take your parents money, you are then obligated to them. It's no longer YOUR life, they have a say! I wouldn't live like that.

Sounds like you married a loser. Too bad :( Nothing worse than a lazy , whinning man. tell him to shape up or you will be leaving.

Good Luck