Did I scare him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2012
Did I scare him?
1
Wed, 09-25-2013 - 3:22pm
We haven't been goin out long. I saw him last Monday and things went well. I went out of town for a conference and he would text me all this lovey stuff and called me all the time. A lot of it very emotional from the heart stuff. He and I talked about being exlusive and not seeing other people. I saw him again this past Sunday and it was the first time we had relations. I know it was really quick to be doing that but it happened and I can't go back and change that. The next morning I woke up and wasn't feeling well. He had to do something for a family member and ended up leaving more quickly then expected. I was just so overhelmed that he saw me cry. He texted me when he got home and called me a couple times durning the day to check on me. Yesterday he wasn't feeling well so I didn't call or text him much because I didn't want to bother him while resting. I saw him last night and everything seemed ok. We watched a little tv together, did some making out and such and talked. I just point blank asked him if he felt different about me now and he said no. And I also asked if I was over thinking things and he said yes. I called him when I got home like he asked me to and sent him a text this morning. He still calls me beautiful and all that but the texts are not as frequent as they were last week. Are we just settling in to every day things where we only talk once or twice and it's not as lovey or did I show too much emotion and it scared him? What do I do to get it back to what it was? Did he just get what he wanted and is now pulling away? I won't see him again till Saturday or at least that's the plan. We are both in our 30's. Thanks in advance for the help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Fri, 09-27-2013 - 10:16am

Men are attracted to confident, happy women who don't make a man the center of their universe. You are displaying anxiety ridden, needy behavior. You need to cut that crap out now. Don't ask him how he feels about you at this point. You are in the stage of getting to know each other. There is no crystal ball to know if it'll work out or not. For the time being, you need to have a fulfilling life outside of dating him, that way, you won't be as devastated when if it doesn't work out versus total devastation if you made him the reason for your happiness. Also, spending time with girlfriends and hobbies or interests outside of dating makes you a more interesting person (you have stuff to talk to him about), plus, it's less pressure on him to be the sole reason for your happiness.

It's best to hold off on sex for a few months to determine if a guy really wants to get to know you versus getting you into the sack. The beginning is a magical time, and that's why he probably texted you so much. Now that you've had sex, that magical time of courting and sexual tension is gone. If the realtionship will be long term, it will evolve and develop in a positive way, but you can't expect to go back to the past where a person was high on the new relationship.

The only thing you can do right now is be happy when he calls/texts and fun to be with when you go out. Do not grill him on changing feelings and stressing about where things are going. That'll be the relationship's death knell. Take the relationship day by day, and remember that you have standards and must be treated a certain way for a guy to be worthy of you. If you date longer and he's not on the same page as you as how often to meet up and communicate with, then he's not compatible with you and you need to move on. When you act like you are the prize and a guy needs to treat you right to stay in your life, he will be intoxicated. Good luck.