do guys care at all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2009
do guys care at all?
6
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 4:30pm

my b/f left me after 9 years and said it was because of me, i know i wasnt perfect in our relationship but people have their fights, anyway i found out a few days later that he is with someone that he works with, even though he lied and told me he wasnt, the funny thing is

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 6:15pm

Bmniel, I'm wondering if you're reading any of the comments you've been getting on these boards. I can only reiterate what has already been said: your jealous behaviour would drive away even the best of men. Dare I say it, but you've probably driven him to the arms of another woman.

>>there wasnt even any warning signs that he wasnt happy with me <<

I know you don't want to believe it....but the fact that he's left you before was a HUGE warning sign that he wasn't happy with you. Him saying that he was tired of your jealousy was a HUGE warning sign. I know you tried to address the jealousy issue, but sometimes the fixing is "too little too late". The last fight you had was enough for him to say "I'M DONE" and switch right off. It was the straw which broke the camel's back.

Truth be known, he probably doesn't miss you....and he certainly wouldn't miss your behaviours. This is why he's so happy with another girl now! Thing is, when he left the relationship, he was already at a point where he could move on. He'd had enough and was able to just let go and enjoy the feeling of freedom.

He's not doing anything to you by being with a new person so quickly. Would you prefer that he *pretends* to be sad and not see anyone for a while just to make you feel better?

I think you need to stop blaming him for moving on and take a look at your own part in the failing of this relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 9:47pm

I agree with everything True said in her post to you.


After reading your previous post, he was probably ready to move on for quite some time, the warning signs were there.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2009
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 11:31pm
ok so i screwed everything up, i hope that i can learn from this. so does anybody have any advice on how to move on and get past this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 5:24am

How do you get past it?

First, you stop playing the victim. You acknowledge the part you played in the downfall of the relationship and you learn from your mistakes. You stop blaming him for making you feel bad and you start to take control of your own destiny.

You will probably spend a bit of time regretting your past behaviour, but then you cease the regrets and learn about turning them into learning experiences.

And then you move on. Then you find new fun and date new guys. And you'll be older and wiser and things will be better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 8:08am

You get past it by owning up to your mistakes,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2008
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 12:17am
You need to find yourself, and sounds like counseling wouldn't hurt you. Look threw your employer benefits, must give free counseling.

http://0urkorner.blogspot.com/

             &nbs