Do you ever really know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Do you ever really know?
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 1:53pm

I really haven't had much luck with relationships.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 10:45pm

I highly suggest against living with someone for financial reasons at all. Six months seems pretty soon, especially then there are issues of concern regarding money and work. I think you should wait, get to know him better, and see if those issues may be incompatibilities before throwing yourself into a situation where you have to rely on one another financially. You are wise to tell him your concerns.

A relationship that is right FEELS right from the beginning. When you have fights, you resolve them and work together. You prove that you're there with one another through thick and thin, and most of all, you are really happy being the person you are around them. They bring out the best in you. Six months is usually not long enough to know this, because you haven't usually had ample time or opportunity to see one another at your best and worst, through good times and bad. At a year, you're still only starting to crack the surface of a person's character.

Do you have a really good gut feeling about this guy? Does he make you happy and bring out the best in you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2009
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 10:51pm

I think you know, and you're trying to argue against yourself.

This doesn't sound like a good relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 6:29am

I'd think moving in is a bad idea. Six months isn't very long to have been dating, and it's not a good sign that he stormed out when you had your first fight.

It sounds smart wanting the lease in your name to protect yourself, but you're asking way too much to require that he puts the title to his car in your name too. That's basically you demanding that he gives you half the car that you keep even if the relationship doesn't work out. Depending on the price of the car, you're basically asking him to give you 10,000 dollars as a condition of living together. For him to agree to that means he's either extremely desperate or extremely foolish, neither of which bodes well for a long term relationship.

Also, if you have no idea if marriage is in the future, it's not a good idea to move in together now. There's no reason you can't renew your lease for another six months and revisit the idea then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 2:28pm

I agree with the others, finances

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-06-2010 - 2:48pm

Six months is far, far too soon to be moving in together.

And putting yourself in a situation where you have to rely on him for transportation is a very very bad idea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 1:08pm

I have not lived with anyone outside of marriage, but I do agree that it is too soon to move in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 3:47pm

I'm with the others - on all points.

I'm curious, why insist on having the car in your name? What made YOU think that was a fair and reasonable condition?

And lastly, if work for 12 hours a day takes precedent over a life then I don't think that you can have a "normal" life with kids and husband or b/f or whatever. Yes, people can sustain those hours and a life (family life) for periods of time but to have a family you can't insist on working 12 hours a day your entire life. SO yeah, I can see how that'll conflict with this new b/f.

Edited 2/15/2010 3:50 pm ET by westridge2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 4:06pm

I have to agree with the others. After six months, to me it's just to soon to even be talking about moving in together. How well do you really know this man? You have a fight and he leaves? That sounds a bit childish to me. Then he comes back and starts talking about moving in together. Whoa, back up a few steps.

There is really no good answer as to how you know something is right. You will know it, and feel it. Doesn't sound like you have a good "gut" feeling about this. So don't do it until you're sure about it.

love.jpg picture by nhgal2006

I used to believe in forever,
but forever was too good to be true.
Winnie the Pooh

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