Does he want something? Am I totally naive?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Does he want something? Am I totally naive?
Tue, 10-01-2013 - 6:56pm

It has been a loooooong loooooong time & I never dated much as a teen/20+.   

I think I might have someone who's interested in me.   Maybe Im totally naive.   I dont know WHY I cant BELIEVE that anyone would be interested in me, but that's it.   Thus, Im finally motivated to write this on the bulletin board.

Im late 40s.   Guy's late 30s.   Neither of us are bad looking & we seem to get along well as friends.  We seem to communicate well.    And I do enjoy being around him.   I suppose he does me.

Here's the deal:  He's been my "maid", yes, housekeeper for about 1 1/2 years.   He has watched me go thru a the depths of hell when I found out my husband was cheating, has watched me finish school & look for a job.   

Anyway, I never thought tooooo much of him - except sometimes lately.   I waver.   And, of course, it's been a looooong time since Ive had sex.   Sometimes I find myself thinking about him.   Sometimes not.

So for the past few months, besides cleaning, he has helped me pack stuff in getting ready to move.   And he's helped me very much lately, as he knows we now have a moveout date.  He seems really in to this moving project.   I pay him, of course, but in my opinion, he doesnt ask for what a professional would whatsoever.

So he's been spending lots of hours - helping with the move, cleaning, packing etc.   with or without me.

He is very respectful & has helped me manage the timing & procedures, etc.

Today I sent him over to clean up after the painters.   He cleaned the place top to bottom.   For $ of course, but later we talked on the phone & he told me about what a good job he did & that he thought Id be good with it.

My vacuum broke & he today actually brought one with him.   We ended up not using it - but I did ask him - who's vacuum was it.   He said it was his.    

Silly thing - a vacuum cleaner - but the fact that he'd bring his own to do my stuff???    that seemed a little "off" to me.

Every once in a while, we'll text - but it's pretty professional & totally friend-like.

I dunno.   He just really wants to help me with this, as he knows Im struggling, mostly due to the divorce.   I cant understand why he'd wanna get tangled up w/me and any of it.

Do you think he likes me?   I like him - but it's not strong or anything & there are others I like, but he seems to be the one around (right now).

What do you think?   Am I being totally naive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Mon, 10-14-2013 - 5:51pm

Sounds like you are a bit vulnerable and maybe over thinking it.   I don't see evidence that he is interested in anything more than friendship.

If you indicate your interest and you are wrong, you've lost a friend/helper.  

Maybe when you are settled you can tell him you don't need him to work for you anymore, then ask him out for a drink/lunch and explore if he is interested in a non[professional relationship.  If he isn't you've already cut him loose so you haven't lost anything.

I actually got a romantic vibe from a contractor...ended up letting him go, then telling him of my interest.  He was not interested.  Fine...I could not have had him around my house for a whole month with me thinking I had a shot at him, so I felt I did the right thing in the end.