Does married male co-worker in mid-40s like me (early 30's)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2011
Does married male co-worker in mid-40s like me (early 30's)?
Fri, 08-05-2011 - 1:39am

i started a new job about 2 months ago and I work in corp environment, mainly male coworkers. I am one of the youngest (early 30s), female emp in my org with a senior job. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years who I met at another company and he is in his early 40s. well, there’s a smart/witty/good-looking/married with one kid male coworker, who I will call “bob”, and he’s in a senior job, who’s in mid-40’s.

I was assigned by my boss to have Bob teach me the ropes of how the organization works and how we operate our various projects. After my first meeting with him about 3 weeks ago, I KNEW right away that he likes me. Why? He started asking personal questions like what I am doing over the weekend. when I said I’m going with my boyfriend to vegas, he asked, “what did you say?” so I had to repeat the fact that I have a boyfriend. he still pursued me with the flirting and accidnetal run-ins. I asked him “what are you doing this weekend?”. He was a bit reserved, but opened next time and said he’s wife is making him do stuff over the weekend and he rolled his eyes – I sensed he’s having a hard time with wife (she is a lot older than him, his kid is half his age).

he cont over the next few weeks visiting my cube to “teach” me about the way the company does things (the work we do is detail oriented – it would take a person at least 6 mths to understand the companies processes) and staying a little longer after our meetings to just talk to me (to ask personal questions). This confirmed it even more -- he mentioned he used to go bicycling during his lunch break and there’s a long pause….and I chimed in saying that’s cool, and he proceeded to tell me the people that he used to go with doesn’t work there anymore and hinted if I want to join him.

He’s teased me countless times, especially in front of other co-workers during our training courses, and when we’re working together. He paces in the hallway to see me, even though he doesn’t really need to walk there. he runs into me in random places – and I’ve actually literally ran into him many times. He visits my cube often and even sits on my desk (which I’ve never seen him do with other ppl) and talks really close to me. There were times to when I needed to work with him and I said to come to my cube, but he refused to work in my cube and would always book a conf rm for just the two of us. he has these loooong gazes with me when I’m talking. Bob plays with his hair (always twirling his hair), biting his nails, always copying my gestures, and he tends to “stroke” things…all the typical guy body language/behavior is ALL there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

What's going on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

I couldn't agree more with I'm sorry. I've been in that situation before and I know it sucks - The ego boost that he gave you is gone and you miss it. I will say this - In my case, the situation went a lot further than yours and I really wish I could take it back. When it ended, it was horrible. Bob is doing you a favor by distancing himself now. You have no idea how much easier it is to back off at this point, than after things go too far. I know you miss your work friend, but sometimes you have to deal with that kind of loss in order to maintain something more important (your job, your relationship).

You should be distancing yourself too, even though it is difficult.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I don't get why you think it would be good for a married co-worker to be interested in you--HE'S MARRIED!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010

He might like you and be attracted to you. It does sound like he was flirting with you. And he is probably distancing himself. Hopefully he realized that he shouldn't be flirting with you for a number of reasons such as: he's married, he's supposed to be mentoring you, its inappropriate in the workplace, and if there was an involvement you/your employment would probably be the collateral damage in the end. Maybe a co-worker mentioned that he seemed awfully friendly with you...people do see those things.

I'm sure that on some level you know that you shouldn't flirt with him or encourage him for the above reasons, and for the sake of your bf of 4 yrs.

I hope that you can find somebody to eat lunch with, and get over the infatuation with Bob. Whatever bit of thrill and ego-boost that you get from his flirting cannot make up for how bad things could go if you let this attraction play out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011

Let your ego go and stop this - it can bite you before you know it.