Don't know what to think?...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Don't know what to think?...
2
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 9:32pm
I had this instructor in undergrad..and before that I met him and his now exwife. I had him for grad. sch. last semester and the class was very interesting. But I had used my married name though seperated for 17 months. Well, in the last class he used to wink while he was talking and it would catch me off guard. Well, I have him again this semester..through out the summer he ems stuff to us..as a class and I see him every now and then. I find it easy to talk w/him. But the last time I saw him outside of class, I couldn't stop from blushing. I just started his class...again and he kept blushing and I did the same and after awhile I couldn't sit still. But I know he's still going through his divorce. Well, he's got a g/f. Went to lunch w/him and others in the class had to sit by him, but he was so nonchalent and cool, and calm. Watching other people, mostly females at the male. I was mostly quiet being that close to him. I had done my intro. in class and mentioned my maiden name and my children which I didn't do. I em before and sort of asked about ref. to lawyers if he knew any. Well, we had a meeting after our regular class..during class he would stare and stare..and he would blush. Well, after the meeting was over..he stopped me and we talked like 2hrs. and he really sounded hurt over his divorce too and shared some details..about it. But every now and then he would say we, but never mentioned his g/f...I was totally at ease with him..told him about my situation, he asked me lots of personal questions like who my parents were, did I have any siblings etc..and how old were my boys and etc. Then he asked me to call him after my court hearing so I did. But he was on another line..so I just left a message and he called me at home so we talked for awhile then I went to work. He em..to see how things went etc. But I am just wondering if I am making something out of nothing...I just don't know. I feel very attracted to him, but I don't want to show my true feelings either if maybe that's not what he's feeling, you know. While we were on the phone..he said he told his secretary to let him know when I called and when he did call he seemed so I don't know..like he cared what happened afterward. I just don't know what to make of it..any suggestions..friends maybe..am I reading too much into this.?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 10:17pm
Title: My advice...

...is that you do what you want the woman in your position to do if you were his wife or his GF.

He, like you, is going through / recently completing a divorce. He, like you, is experiencing a myrad of emotions as he works his way through this. He, like you, is glad to know that people / women find him attractive. He, like you, will exaggerate the emotions he feels, and what he perceives as the emotions for others. And he, like you, will eventually come back to "normal" and go about making life and relationship decisons in a more rational manner.

Its called being on the "rebound". I am sure you have heard of it.

The way he appears to be working through his rebound is to "bond" with any woman willing to bond with him. Ok...I don't know that for a fact...but a guy going through a divorce who has a GF probably has his plate full already...so why would he be flirting with other women?

**"I feel very attracted to him, but I don't want to show my true feelings either if maybe that's not what he's feeling, you know."**

He might indeed be very attracted. But if what you are REALLY asking is if he is interested in something serious, I'd say that the LAST thing a man going throuhg a divorce wants is anotehr relationship that requires maintence...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 1:43pm
Well, thank you for putting things into perspective for me...I really am not taking anything about him as a serious relationship..actually I have met some other potential but start out as friends type of guys..so it's not like...you know..and I guess he doesn't just bond with any women..he's a very private person...and his g/f might be his rebound relationship..she's the type that marries and dumps and well you know the rest of the story..but I do have his class til nov. so I guess all will be civil etc. Plus, that we are doing some other stuff on the outside of class that will be very interesting so I have the time to see what his real personality is really like. I just got out of an abusive relationship so I am absolutely sure I wouldn't be just doing the rebound thing either. He still ems me and asked how things are going..etc. So that's how it will go..you know the usual stuff..I have to..anyways..for my own peace of mind but it is nice to know he understands some of the stuff I am going through..well..guess I better study have a test in that class. Like I said..thanks again..I will just be on my way..