first love

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
first love
3
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 7:31am

Hi


Im 42 with my partner 18 years and have 3 children. We are happy together but not in love with each other. We are together for the kids and we are cool with that.


Recently I went to my school reunion primarily to see my first love who I knew was also coming just to see me. Over the past 3 years

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: hollyho2009
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 11:01am
Having no idea what "he's thinking", the question I have is, are you willing to give him more? You are both in relationships, do you both want to hurt all who are involved if you did take it further? Will you be able to live with yourself? There will be lots of guilt.



blackandwhite.jpg picture by nhgal2006



“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love,
a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”
Mother Teresa



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: hollyho2009
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 4:54pm

I agree with nhgal that it's less important to ask what he's thinking than it is to ask yourself, "what am *I* thinking??"

You are both moving very close to having an affair. You are cheating already, just not physically. So how far are you willing to go? Because you're going to go a LOT further if you don't make a conscious decision to stop.

I understand what it's like to have strong feelings of love for someone you're not "supposed" to. I know it isn't easy to ignore your heart. This situation is not going to be an easy one to deal with, and you're going to have to decide what it is you ultimately want, and then modify your actions so that they reflect that decision. You can't pursue an emotional connection with your first love and still pay attention to your marriage. It's just one of those things that can't go both ways.

So you have some thinking to do about what it is you want, and whether or not it's realistic. If you and your husband have agreed that you're friends who are only married for the kids until they're grown, then maybe the possibility of an open marriage has merit, but in that circumstance it would be impossible to get TOO close to another man while living with/married to another. There would be limitations.

I wish I could answer this for you and I'm sorry. It must be really difficult to deal with. Hope it works out for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
In reply to: hollyho2009
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 5:13am

Thank you for your advice. And of course you are right - realistically I know I cant pursue this. I do love my partner and dont ever want to hurt him.


I just somehow have to stop my thinking and pining for FL How I do that I dont know, but I am going to try.


Thank you both for your input.