Guys Please advise

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Guys Please advise
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 11:38am


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 12:29pm

"The truth is.. I can't imagine my life without him but I can't imagine my life without lovemaking or kisses."

thats a decision which only you can take by weighing between what is important to you at your stage of life- companionship with love but less to no sex or body needs.i am not saying that sex is not important ,it very much is but its only you who can decide upon.few people give up sex for love and companionship while others find a balance /compromise while for some sex is everything.its ultimately what you can give up and cant give up.
i really cant comment here but just say its your own personal decision- weigh upon the pros and cons and then stick to it but dont dangle the guy in between if he really as good as you say.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 3:25pm

What is the question?

Be more specific to him. Just saying "more passion" "foreplay" "intamacy" are too vague.

and also been married to a couple. ????? How many? Is this an ongoing pattern?


Maybe get those Sexy Dice, one has places, like face, neck, & the other has actions, kiss, lick

If you're cool with porn, put one on & point it out when you see what you want - or watch a regular movie & do the same

There is no mention of Oral sex here, is there any of that? - in both directions?

French kiss him

What is it you want? Different positions? More attention to the nipples? Tell him.

Waiting for him to come up with all the new ideas, won't do any good. If he hasn't thought to try it yet, where's he going to come up with it

Seize the Day!

If he's everything you ever wanted, then do everything you can to have the kind of sex you want.

It'd be such a shame to end it ... just because he doesn't automatically know what gets you hot in the sack.

Good Luck

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 3:56pm

He says he's never done it that way. So, what does he think now? Does he plan to continue as it's always been or does he plan change?

That aside, if he's never felt passion or real love, this means he doesn't have either love or passion for YOU. Do you really want to be married to a man who doesn't feel that way about you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2007
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 4:05pm

You better figure it out now. Before you say "I do." if you don't it will only get worse. That love you have now will become anger and resentment in a few years. You will either be divorced or at the therapist. You will be posting at the Mis- Matched Libido board asking what can you do to change him. The answer will be nothing. Perhaps you can teach him but I doubt it.

So you have to ask yourself does this out weigh the good? Don't underestimate its importance!!! Do you go ahead and get married knowing what you know. Or call it a day. I cannot help you with that. I can only tell you that being married to someone who is not physically passionate (like my wife) is hell. I love her with all my heart but she is much like your man. We have been in therapy for over 8 years. Things are much better but there will always be that void for me. I have to literally hug HER, kiss HER, do all the foreplay. We used to have sex once every 2 months. Now it's once a week. Sometimes its OK and other times it is very robotic. I just have to live with it. Is it better? Yes. But it is also light years from what I would like. She is a great wife and mother, tells me she loves me all the time but if I didn't touch her first she would never think to touch me. Do you really want to live like that? Only you can answer that question. Don't for a second think it will change without a lot of hard work especially on his part. Plus he has to want to change.

So my advise. Figure this out NOW. DO NOT GET MARRIED until you do.

Good Luck


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 01-28-2010 - 5:34pm

Is there a particular reason you are expecting him to take the lead on these things instead of taking the bull by the horns, so to speak?

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 7:56am

"The truth is.. I can't imagine my life without him but I can't imagine my life without lovemaking or kisses."

Hard part in living life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 11:07am

Gal, have you ever had a relationship before this one where you couldn't picture life without that person? Do you still feel the same way about that ex?

I have... And it changes when you find someone who is a better fit for your life.

It's not constructive to make decisions based on familiarity. You miss out on a lot of good opportunities by sticking to a plan that really may not be the best one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2009
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 6:19pm

don't get married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 12:59am

Maybe I didn't make myself very clear. I love this man with all my heart. I don't think I am putting too much emphasis on sex. We rarely have it and when we do there is no kissing. There is no touching. It is get me off with his hands while he lays there

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 3:27am

OK, I get what you're saying but the thing that stood out to me is that you're saying "he didn't do this..." or "he doesn't do that...". Where do you fit in to all this? Are you throwing your clothes off and dropping to the mattress when he says "Lets have sex, assume the massage position". Don't you start kissing him or stripping for him? Teasing him as you disrobe? Are you just lying there enjoying the massage? What do you do when the massage ends? Just lie there motionless as he mounts you??

There are two people having sex here. What about your input?

He can't have intercourse if you won't let him get on top because you're already manouevering to kiss him or give him oral or asking him to give you oral. Have you ever tried to give him french kisses and told him to "No, like.. THIS....." if he gets it wrong?

You might like the idea of Mills and Boon sex where the man does all the work but real life ain't like that. You're going to have to have more input and be more assertive. Sex is only the same if you allow it to be.