Hate myself for loving him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
Hate myself for loving him...
9
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 10:17am
I recently ended a bad relationship. This guy had been in my life for a year and half, We had a normal relationship in the fall '08 for about 3 months, then he ended things and wasnt nice about it. He would continue to call me drunk. I was going through a bad time (got laid off) so there were a few occasions that i let him come over and we had sex. He kept calling for months, usually drunk, then in Aug he started calling/texting more frequently. In August
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 10:46am

It doesn't sound as if he ever wanted a serious relationship with you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 10:52am

(((HUGS))) run and I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time with this breakup, but from everything you've posted, it does sound like it's for the best. I agree with the no-contact, since I've found in my own life it's far easier to heal and move forward if you're not in regular contact with the ex.


The Week-by-Week Breakup Survival Guide


Should You Keep in Touch with Exes or Cut Ties?


How You Can Succeed in Your Next Relationship

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 11:20am
I know i made mistakes in trusting him and believing him...but that's just it...i did believe him. I just thought he was confused because he went through a bad break up not long ago. Anyways...i feel like this is said all the time...man hurts woman, plays with her emotions, says things to her that soudn promising, but when the woman is hurt it's all her fault for believing him. Trish it sounds like you are putting all the blame on me basically because i believed in this guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 11:37am

This could be true with men who are dumped by women, too, since it isn't always the woman who feels she's been played for a fool, or always the man who turns things around to make the woman feel responsible for the breakup. I don't think you're at fault for believing in the guy, but maybe it was just not the right guy for you to put your faith in.


Rather than dwelling on the past and all the what-ifs and whys, though, why not take some time to just focus on treating yourself well so you can heal and move on? This could help you to discover more about yourself so you won't make the same choices in the future and therefore can avoid the same heartbreaks. I'm no expert, for sure, but this is just my take on how to get from heartache to happiness in the future.


How can I get over him?


5 Relationship Resolutions


Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 11:57am

No, I'm not putting all the blame on you, he did lead you on and anyone can fall for a line but you kept falling for the same thing over and over again.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 2:47pm
it hurts me that he led me on to think he wanted more with me. If a man doesnt want a relationship with a woman (when she wants one with him) he should move on to find someone he wants one with. If he's looking for just sex he should be up front about that as well. There are plenty of people out there who are just looking for sex. He even said to me, i can get laid anytime i want, i want more than that with you. I'll remember that line! 36 years old...do they ever grow up?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 2:54pm
It is always rough when someone leads us to believe there's more to a relationship than there is. I've seen girl friends lead their guys to believe that, too, and it's just as devastating to the guys as to us girls. True, everyone should be up front and honest about what they want in a relationship, but not everyone is, and sometimes they just don't know what they want to begin with. Yes, fortunately, most men do grow up and realize what they really want and need out of life. Don't let this one man ruin it for you and make you think all men are like him because they're not. He just simply wasn't the one for you, despite his pretty promises.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2007
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 7:07pm
I agree with the other posters here. Runup, you can't change people but you can change yourself. Don't let this one experience with one guy makes you think that all men are the same. there are good men out there. I've had my share of experiences with men like that, and in the end I have no one to blame but myself for allowing them to treat me this way. Whatever their agenda is with you, whether they want a serious relationship or just want to play you, that is their choice and if they're happy with it so be it. You should take this as a lesson to find out what is it that you really want for yourself, and go find that. i used to wonder why people couldn't be upfront about what they want, but not everyone is. they don't even know what they want to begin with. some are cowards, they're afraid to be honest with you even though they know it might hurt you, so why would you still want to be with men who doesn't care about how you feel? i know right now it doesn't make sense, but when you meet the right guy, and he loves you and cares about you, you will see a big difference and you'll understand. just move on and don't let this experience ruin you. learn from it and find someone who can give you the love and respect you deserve.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 12:47pm

I'm usually the one posting asking for support, but I read your post and wanted to extend my thoughts...


I've allowed myself to be victimized by a man (38 years old!) who broke up with me 5 months ago yet, like you, I've allowed him to keep coming back.