Haunted by Exes

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2006
Haunted by Exes
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 1:19pm

I have been dating someone for approx 3 months.

A couple of weeks ago we were sitting down together having some wine and conversation. Then he brought up the fact that an ex form last year contacted him via email and asked how he was doing and how his girlfriend was doing (meaning me). I asked if he replied to her, he said no. I asked how she knew he had a girlfriend, he said I don't know. Okay, I got a little heated, I admit. His response when I asked what his motivation for telling me that was, " I like it when people are jealous..." (meaning, he liked that his ex was jealous that he was seeing someone).

Then this past week, he told me that another ex called him this week. This particular ex he was engaged to and was with for 7 years. She left him for another man and now has a child by this man. She also left him with some lovely debt, etc. etc. She called him this past week because the man she left hy boyfriend for has now left her...so she turned to him because she didn't have anyone to turn to.

I get that part. But it still pissed me off. I probably over reacted, but it's like, man this is the second girlfriend he's told me about that has contacted him.

I'm not sure how to handle this. I'm 28 and he is 35. It has only been three months but we are at the point where we are saying I love you to each other.


Anyone have any experience with this?

Any insight would be helpful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 1:36pm

A couple of thoughts. First, since he told you he liked making girlfriends jealous... if that's true then he's probably getting a fat head from the attention and you should ignore him lol. Also, an unpleasant fact of life, he does have a past and it included girlfriends, and sure they may call now and then just as I assume you've had others who may contact you sometimes through no actions of your own. Three months isn't very long. Maybe it just takes a while for old girlfriends to catch on that he's with someone else and then I would expect they'll soon disappear. Maybe just one of those new relationship things that has to be gotten though, since you haven't mentioned any other issues with these past girls beyond the odd email or call. I'm not sure anybody in your position would enjoy it though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2006
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 2:02pm

Thanks New Year Pub. I think you responded to another post regarding the exes ring...lol. Needless to say, I ended up giving the ring back after I found out she contacted him again. It didn't feel right wearing another woman's ring.

I guess I was afraid he would feel sorry for her and begin talking with her on a regular basis. I was afraid that old feelings would come back into the picture..they were together for 7 years. I can't compare a three mo relationship with that. I am personally disgusted that she cheated on him, left him with debt, and is now calling him because she made a mistake. I understand that everyone has a past..and I do as well. I have just made it a point not to contact exes and not to tell him about all the advances I get on a regular basis from men. I take into consideration his feelings and it doesn't seem it would benefit our progress if he knew those things and they are not situations I egg on.

I also have a temper and can have a hard time trusting people. So I'm sure I was at fault for overreacting. But, it seems really soon in a relationship to even be dealing with this sort of stuff.