Have a Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Have a Question
2
Thu, 05-01-2003 - 11:36am
I've been seeing this guy for about a month now and we are taking things really slow. We've had conversations about his life and whats going on in it. He has a lot of priority things going on that prohibit him to commit to making more time to persue what we have. Of course, I have only seen him about 5 times, but we speak on the phone atleast once a day even if it is only a couple of minutes. I really like this guy and could only wish that him and I could spend more time together, however, it is not very possible right now for him. I tell him I can't wait to see him soon, but put no pressure at all.

I've backed off and not gotten in the way of what he needs to take care of. However, I do think we have something that is persuable even if it takes a few weeks to do it. I'm trying to approach this differently than anything in my life before and be more patient. But I'm not too sure how patient I can be. Should I move on completely? Should I go and actively date other people? I have an insecurity issue about men in general, but I'm working on changing my mindset (just takes time). I think I'd like to be patient and wait and see what happens, but I'm nervous about other posibilities that might surpass me.

Got any advice that you can give me or other experiences?

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 05-01-2003 - 2:13pm
What kind of priorities? Work or family issues? Can you get a little more specific about the thing he needs to 'take care of?"

I went through something like this, turns out after every excuse about how busy he was was used up, there was nothing left to say except that he didn't prioritize ME to impose on his schedule. It really hurt :(

SJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Thu, 05-01-2003 - 2:52pm
Well, in the past year he lost his roommate (he passed away), therefore had to move home cause he couldn't afford to live in the place they lived in on his own, he's paying off his debt, his car wasn't working properly therefore recently he had to put an enormous amount of money in his vehicle, and he got hurt at work therefore was not able to work for a few days. Because of the debt that he was trying to pay off, he had to incur some more debt due to the vehicle breaking down. Him and I have spent limited time together, but when we have it has been incredible and worthwhile.

I understand his position. If I was having money difficulties, I think I would have to evaluate priorities to ensure that I got to my goal of being on track financially. He told me this up front and was very honest that he couldn't work on our relationship as much as he wanted to. He asked me to give him some time to get himself in a position that he can give me as much time as possible.