Having a baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
Having a baby
13
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 6:50pm

SO after thinking our relationship is awesome I came across some porn on the pc.. A little disturbing .. Honestly

AngelRae

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
In reply to: angelrae01
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 8:37pm

I don't have issues with my partner watching porn, I enjoy watching it too.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: angelrae01
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 5:33am

I think that you need to put the brakes on having a child or getting married or getting any further into this relationship given your feelings about porn.

You are tying his desire to watch porn very tightly to how you view your own attractiveness. He doesn't watch porn because he does have or doesn't have a hot wife. It's not about your hotness or lack of hotness. He doesn't watch porn because he desires to have real life sex with other women, he doesn't watch porn because they have something that you don't. He does watch porn because its interesting, it's arousing, its a safe sexual fantasy, its more of all the things he has and more of what he likes. He has the time, the opportunity.

I think that YOU need to think about this a bit more before committing to a guy that probably won't stop watching porn. You need to work this through in your OWN head first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
In reply to: angelrae01
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 5:18pm
Don't get pg - please.

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
In reply to: angelrae01
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 6:45pm

We have been together for several years and are getting married soon. I am not saying I would break up with him due to the porn but I do think I took it way to personal. He said he watches out of curosity and is very happy in our relationship (and sex) I never had doubts but when I saw the porn it did hurt my feelings.


I used to watch porn myself and I was almost dependant on it to get excited.So I think that was my fear. I asked if he wants to watch together but it turns into a joke so I will see. I asked if he minded if I watched ( to see how he would feel) and he didn't say no but I could tell it made him understand how I felt. If its gonna be watched I dont want it to be a secret and if he wants to do new things I just want him to say so .. So I am working on that with him (its been an interesting few days since my discovery lol)


We are getting married within the next few months and at first the way I reacted overanalyzing yes it could have affected that decision but I feel like we will be fine. As for a baby .. Now I just dont know how that will affect our relationship as much as I want to have one.


I know sex is an important part of

AngelRae
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
In reply to: angelrae01
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 7:38pm
I understand where you are - but for me being older and not knowing your age or his I can't give an objective

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
In reply to: angelrae01
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 7:59pm

Well thats the thing we are barely 30 ...so if we have another we both agree it should be sooner then later. BUT now this threw me for a loop. Our son passed a few years ago

AngelRae
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: angelrae01
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 9:22pm

You have to realise that you cannot compete with other women. Just as he doesn't have to compete with richer or more successful men to have you love him, you don't have to compete with other more attractive or younger women.

He's with YOU because the two of you are compatible in many ways. Yes, you're sexy to him but it's more than that. You return his affections, you do things for him that he likes, you put up with his not so pleasant things. You can talk to him and he can talk to you. You love one another. You have a kid together. Attractiveness and sexy is just one part of the whole package and it's not a good one to base your whole relationship on. Unfortunately the one fly in the ointment with this is that he can still see other women as sexy just as you can see and be aware that there are other richer and sexier men out there.

So will you be able to stay 'hot" while pregnant? I doubt it. But if he's a good man he will be staying with you even when you aren't "hot" because of all the other things that you share and love about each other. Attractiveness and beauty and whether or not he looks at a bit of porn now and again should not be the make it or break it factors in a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
In reply to: angelrae01
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 12:19am

Photobucket

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
In reply to: angelrae01
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 5:27am

Why would you marry someone with whom you currently have a disagreement about porn? Why would you have a baby with someone with whom you currently have a disagreement about porn?


These issues only multiply themselves and get

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
In reply to: angelrae01
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 12:20pm

Well all relationships have their ups and downs and although it may have bothered me at first I do think we have found our common ground. Not all the time are we going to be on the same page or agree on all things so I choose my battles and sometimes on certain things we can agree to disagree and still have a mutual respect for one another.


A bit of porn here and there is not going to make or break our relationship.


I am marrying him because we have an indescribable love for one another and we are lost without one another because I have never felt the way I feel like when

AngelRae

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