he doesnt want to hurt me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2010
he doesnt want to hurt me?
5
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 7:44pm

I just started seeing this guy, we have known each other for awhile now. We haven't established anything like if it is dates that we are on when we hang out. We usually get together on the weekends and we haven't had sex. He says he is really interested in me and has even let me meet his parents and all his friends. Just this last weekend I asked him as we were getting ready for bed, we do have sleepovers, if we are dating or if he wants to be in a relationship. He said he likes me but doesnt want to hurt me. I tried to get more of an explaination but that was the most he would say. We've made very vague plans for the future but I am very confused on why he would assume he would wind up hurting me if we were to establish what we are to each other. I tried bringing it up a 3rd time but wound up doing all the talking saying that we should just go for it, take our time to get to know eachother before we assume someone is going to get hurt. He knodded his head. I am still left with a wierd feeling wondering if I should pursue him or

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 7:12am

Wait...you sleep together (no sex) at each other's places? In the same bed? I need clarification here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2010
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 8:42am
so far two of the nights out have been out drinking and we walk back to his house instead of driving anywhere and do sleep in his bed....we kiss, we talk and then fall asleep.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 8:51am

He doesn't want a relationship with you. I think he wants you to understand that so he doesn't have to come out and say it.

I think women are often confused when a man isn't getting sex but sticks around anyway. For many men, sex really isn't the "end game". Men enjoy cuddling and kissing and affection and fun times just as much as women do. He sounds as though he likes you, but he knows the answer to your question isn't one you want to hear.

If I were you I would start distancing myself from him, if a relationship is something you will eventually want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2010
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 12:29pm

When a man says "I don't want to hurt you",

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 10:44pm

Kind of sounds like he just wants to be friends, and nothing more, which is why he isn't having sex when you sleep over, because he doesn't want to hurt you when he finds someone he really wants to be with.