he dumped me :-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
he dumped me :-(
2
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 11:13am
My boyfriend and I have been together for six months. We met and hit it off right away. Everything felt right! He took the lead and eventually started talking about he and I in the future and suggesting that I leave clothes at his house. He gave me the keys to his house as well. He couldn’t get enough of me, always wanting me there. I loved it. We love each other very much. I overheard him telling his best friend that I’m “the one” and how happy I make him.

Out of nowhere he tells me that he wants to break up. He said that he started to feel pressured. That I’m too special of a person to be wishy washy with and he needs to figure out what he wants to do. I was shocked! I don’t understand how he felt pressured when he was the one taking the lead on everything. I liked where he was leading me to, so I happily followed.

Now I don’t know what to do. Clearly there is nothing I can do. He has to be the one to decide what he wants. This all happened two weeks ago. He called me twice since then to reassure me that it’s not me and that he needs to figure out what he wants. He hasn’t returned my clothing and he hasn’t asked for the keys to his place; but I’m going crazy!! I miss him so much! Has this happened to anyone of you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2010
In reply to: coco2739
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 12:07pm
This has, actually, happened to me...similar at least. I really think they freak themselves out. I was dating my bf for a few months and we actually hadn't talked about the future as you did, but he acted totally nutty over me, said how wonderful I was, how much he loved being with me, etc. But every time we started to really get close (he would introduce me to friends or we'd spend a holiday together or whatever) he would freak out and pull away. He said very similar things "you're too special to be strung along"...and stuff like that. "Things are getting too serious," when HE was the one who was also all into moving things along. His reason for ending it was "I can't handle the feelings I have for you." So although no one can read your bf's mind, it seems like a common guy thing to freak out the minute they start to feel something for a woman and they run away like frightened deer. Hopefully yours will get it together to realize what he has with you and not let it go. My bf came back but repeated the same behavior all over again. Being dumped twice was a little too much... Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: coco2739
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 12:47pm
This does happen. In fact, it happens all the time. Happened to me only five months ago (but my ex never *told* me he was breaking up with me..he just vanished...another long story). But this is classic.

He either 1) needs his space (so don't call him...seriously, just leave him be. This is the time for you to think about if he was giving you everything you wanted, etc.), or he's 2) scared of commitment. Very common. They go in head strong (sounds like him), definitey pursuing you, wanting a relationship, and then BOOM! They're done. They can't give anymore because they are incapable of doing just that (read: "He's Scared, She's Scared." VERY helpful book).

But no matter what, give him his space. Allow him to miss you. He will either 1) come back or 2)never come back. Understand that ALL of us go through this kind of break-up/heartache. It's common, and it makes us stronger people (I speak from experience).

Go to the Mending Broken Hearts board. Everyone there will help you. There's nothing wrong with you, don't worry. Understand that things were going too fast for him (his decision, I know) and that he went too fast and got in too deep. This happens all the time.

Use this time to your advantage. Keep yourself busy. Take up a new hobby (seriously...I did, and it HELPED). Talk to your friends, family, etc. But don't talk to him. Not to be mean, but to give him that space. Don't ask for your stuff back, and don't try to return his. He knows you have it. Don't worry.

I know it hurts, but it happens to all of us. Keep posting.

Katie