Is he friendly and I needy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2008
Is he friendly and I needy?
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 6:34pm

Ok, there is this guy from my church that I've had a crush on for like a year and a half now. It's all very complicated. My crush and some other guys hang out together and I think my crush thinks I like one of the other guys. Whenever we go grab a bite to eat the other guy always sits next to me and just annoys me. He asks questions like if I have a boyfriend and if I want to go to a movie with him and he always finds an excuse to touch me or text me. It makes me want to scream. The difficult thing is that he has never said he likes me, he just does annoying things. I worry that if I say I don't like you he might respond, "I was simply being friendly." Also, I'm guessing he has told my crush that he likes me. I say this because initially my crush showed signs of interest. I also say this because when I've had conversations with my crush and I mention the other guy's name his mood changes. I know I'm not making it any better, but it's easier for me to talk to someone I don't like so I tend to be a little distant towards my crush.

BUT this doesn't matter if I don't know if he is interested in me. He has touched me on my lower back several times, came out to an event for me early in the morning, made a nickname for me(he has stopped calling me by the nickname he originally used and now calls me by the one others use) and other stuff. I guess I'm getting mixed signals because last year, I invited him to a movie via text and he didn't respond. I also think if a MAN likes a WOMAN he will pursue her. Am I wrong? Recently, we all went out to eat and he made it a point to say bye to me, by calling out my name,but he said bye to everyone else as a group. Also we had an event and this was actually my first opportunity to really really talk to him. We got on politics and I jokingly asked him to explain something to a little girl, he did and was so cute. I love the way he interacts with children. We talked a little bit more, but I didn't want people watching so I left. Later on he was lingering when I was talking to someone else. I guess my issue is as we get older men tend to interact with women differently and expressing interest in women is something they do out of courtesy,so is he simply polite? I do go to church with him.

Edited 3/28/2010 6:39 pm ET by ero89

Edited 3/28/2010 6:39 pm ET by ero89
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 8:29pm
Ok, so you have a crush on this guy. How long have you actually known him? Why can't you just ask him if he'd like to grab a movie or a bite to eat on such an such a night, kinda a get to know each other better.

myspace-harley-davidson-comments-5.jpg picture by nhgal2006

I used to believe in forever,
but forever was too good to be true.
Winnie the Pooh

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2010
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 9:09pm

Edited 3/22/2010 9:11 pm ET by loveiscoming2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 8:54am

I agree with Nhgal, why don't you ask him to a movie, for a bite to eat,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 10:12am

I also think if a MAN likes a WOMAN he will pursue her.

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 1:00pm
From what you've said it sounds like he was interested in you at one time. Maybe he changed his mind
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2008
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 1:43pm

Thank you all for the sound advice. It's just the last time I really liked someone was in college, but it didn't work out the way I had hoped. I was doing all the pursuing,and the next thing I knew...he had a girlfriend! I was so devastated, but I still wanted him in my life. In between his being with other women we would hang out(nothing sexual)I just enjoyed his company. It has taken me a really long time to get over him--5 years to be exact. He was actually the first person I was intimate with. Since this happened I told myself I would be really careful with relationships.

I've known my crush for 3 years now, but the last year and a half is when I've started to like him. He is really cool to be around, supportive AND the first person I've really liked in a long time. BUT after the situation in college I told myself I would play it safe and allow the next guy to do the pursuing. On top of all of this I'm an extremely shy and private person.

My issue with the other guy is that he doesn't get the picture. He has even told me that he and his girlfriend have broken up and made comments about his liking me. I've told him I don't want to go to the movies, I've told him I don't want to hang out and I've tried being distant, but he doesn't get it. He goes out of his way to talk to me, sit next to me and invite me to stuff, but when I try to be curt with him it's always "are you o.k.," "what's wrong" he has even texted me immediately following church asking, "did I do something to upset you?" I don't know what more to do especially since we go to church together. I don't want to be the bad person in the situation, but I also don't want my crush getting the wrong idea.

Soooo what you all have been wondering,I'm actually going to express more interest. Last night, I called him and we had a pretty cool conversation. He brought up the other guy and I thought it might be an opportunity to say something, but I didn't want to come off as rude. But I'm definitely going to work on it all.

Thank you all again for being honest and encouraging.

Edited 3/28/2010 6:50 pm ET by ero89
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 2:53pm

....."He brought up the other guy and I thought it might be an opportunity to say something, but I didn't want to come off as rude. The highlight and lowlight were all regarding the same thing. He asked me what I had planned for the rest of the evening, but I got nervous and went off on a tangent. He then asked, had I eaten dinner, but again I got nervous and started talking about how I wasn't feeling well we didn't grab a bite to eat.".....

Um, so do you want to date this guy or not?

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