Is he giving me a taste of my own medicine?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2011
Is he giving me a taste of my own medicine?
22
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 12:14pm

About a year and a half ago during a college break, my best friend from high school and I went to a bar/club with some of her guy friends. One in particular was interested in me, asked for my number and we ended up going on a date a few days later. The date was really nice and he kept calling me for a few days afterwards, but for whatever reason I always find a fault in any guy I'm dating and I just didn't return his calls. Let me just say that to this day I feel so guilty about that and have promised myself that I will never just completely ignore a guy again, especially after such a nice date, but after a few unreturned calls he just stopped calling me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 1:56pm

I want you to try to change your perspective a little bit. just this once.

Instead of thinking in terms of "why is he doing this to me?" consider that myabe he's just doing what he wants to do, not in an attempt to hurt anyone's feelings, but just because he is impulsive and does what he feels like doing at a given time. This is how many men are, especially ones that are not looking for a commitment. There is no interpretation to be made on their behavior because it's really just spur of the moment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 1:58pm

I would say it's very likely he doesn't want to risk getting turned down again, plus it's been a year--it could be that he didn't save your number.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2011
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 2:57pm
Thanks for the opinion but I wasn't looking for a guilt trip...I already wrote that I felt super guilty about what I did and that I wouldn't do that again to anyone. Plus, I don't think men are as impulsive as you think. Especially after last year I think there is a little more to his actions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2011
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 2:59pm
Well I would agree, but we are friends on facebook so if he wanted to he could just contact me on there. I was actually going to text him the night of the wedding but chickened out. For some reason I don't like being the one to make contact first. We have been on facebook chat at the same time but neither of us has said anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 4:07pm

Whether or not you feel "super guilty" you asked for clarification on this guy's actions, and his lack of effort toward you is a direct result of how you treated him last year. I'm not here to assuage your feelings or to make you feel guilty. I'm trying to give you a perspective you asked for - his. It's clear he likes you. He danced with someone else a) because you were dancing with your friend and b) he wanted to dance with someone else if he couldn't be dancing with you. That's not really significant. What is significant is how you treated him, and the fact that you can't expect him to keep trying with someone who wouldn't answer his calls. Do you really think I'm putting you on a "guilt trip" by telling you that you should be the one to make the next move?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 4:34pm

Hes not doing anything to you...its not about you...its about him not wanting to get burned again. I would do the same thing. I wouldnt put myself out there like that again. Why dont you appologize to him for not returning his calls and let him know that you enjoyed the dance at the wedding and go from there. If he contacts you GREAT if not move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 4:44pm
maybe you shouldnt posted your issue....your arent always ganna hear what you want but you will get an honest oppinion and you will get different oppinions how you take it it your problem
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2011
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 7:34pm
Would it be weird to contact him 4 days after the wedding though, to apologize for something that happened so long ago? For me I just don't want to sound needy, or like I was waiting around for him to contact me (even if I was).
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-1999
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 11:08pm

I contacted someone about a month or 2 ago, I found her through Facebook,

dablacksox


Cynic: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.---Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 9:28am

Its never to late to say your sorry...saying Im sorry and I love you are 2 of the most powerful things you can say. as long as you say it without expecting something in return. Say it and let it go. Dont expect him to contact you he may but he may not. As far as seeming needy...NO Its humbling. It showing you are open and vulnerable and not a power house control freak.

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