Is he 'just not that into me'?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Is he 'just not that into me'?
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 7:48pm

Here I am again, wondering if a guy I'm interested in is interested in me...SMH!

First, I should say that this is a man I work with. I know, I know that's not the best situation, but I can't help but find him fascinating.

I'm fairly new at my job, having been there for almost three months. I noticed this guy on my second day, because he's in IT, and they came in during Orientation and talked about what they do. I can't explain it, but I was instantly drawn to him. He's attractive, but not drop dead gorgeous. After that day, I didn't have any interaction with him for several weeks, because I was training with different people. Once my orientation was done, I started to run into him more. And, I had to take my laptop to IT. While there (this is about one month after I started), I made small talk with him, asking him about himself. He responded, and reciprocated. In the days following, I started seeing him more (the IT department is on the opposite side of the building from where my cube is). He'd stop by my cube and make small talk. He'd remember things we discussed days before. But, he was never flirtatious, just friendly...attentive. This went on for about three weeks. Then, something changed about two weeks ago.

The walks by my cube stopped. He would still speak when we saw each other in passing, but he stopped conversing. Now, I hardly ever see him. Sure, he is the Supervisor in IT, so I'm sure he's busy. But, the change is very obvious to me. The week before last, he was actually kind of cold towards me. I asked him what was up, and he said it was nothing to do with me. 

He has since resumed his friendly self, but still doesn't really stop to talk to me like he used to. This is a long shot, but my co-worker who knows of my crush thinks it has something to do with another guy who flirts with me - another guy in IT. She asked me if the guy I like has ever seen us together, and told her yes. I don't think that's it because I don't flirt with that guy - he's married! 

To add more confusion, last week, the guy I like emailed me to tell me he would be on call during the weekend, and to call him if I needed any help (I work from home some weekends). He gave me his cell. I'm confused, but am leaning towards "he's just not that into me." Hasn't asked me out...I've done everything short of asking him out - it is clear that I am interested in him.

Is it time for me to just move on?


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 8:28pm

Rivegauche, my guess is that initial interest by him could well have been him looking to see if you were the type of girl who he would be interested in dating.   Then he decided that for whatever reason, it wasn't going to work for him so he just went about his business.

It's time to let the crush go.   He sees you only as a co-worker.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 8:54pm

I think you're right...makes sense.

Oh well, moving on. :smileysad:




iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 1:02am

Yes, I have to agree with True Blue Strine. After getting to know you a little better, he likely decided you're not right for him. Your instincts here are correct.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2012
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 11:19am

It sounds like he definitely was into you. And I see no reason to just assume he's not anymore. I think it's possible that he may be one of those guys who just doesn't know how to seal the deal. Maybe he's too shy or afraid of rejection. At any rate, you're still crushing. You have to decide if it's worth the potential awkwardness that could result in your work environment if you take a more proactive approach. Should you suggest a drink after work one day? If you do so in a very casual manner, even a "no" from him won't really cost you more than that one moment of your life and at least you won't waste any more on him. Or should you focus on a more salient possibility? Choose one and do it. Vacillating will only lead to further frustration on your part and what's the point of that?