he just wants sum(guys point of view)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
he just wants sum(guys point of view)
14
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 11:30pm
okay i'm we'll 14 and he is 18.... age doesn't matter because everyone in my family has some huge age difference with there "partner".... this usually happens at his house cus we live far away from each other cus i go there more than he comes here because i have nothing better to do and my family goes there a lot so its not like i have a choice or anything... he usually flirts with my when my family isn't around or is upstairs or in another room..... he's tried to touch me before and finally i said," if your going to do something just do it i'm not freakin stupid or nieve..." but he was all,"i'm planing to do anything i'm just trying to 'tickle' you" (*guys always say that to me... like i said i'm not all that stupid about that sorta thing*) so about 4 days ago we were all alone this was the first time.... he must have tried to kiss me like 10 times and each time i turned away (i wanted to but i didn't at the same time cus i didnt want to regret it.... cus i make mistakes like that all the time *it seems like the right thing but it turns out not to be*) he said in the middle of all of this," lets see how 'experienced' you are..." so ya he tried to take my shirt off and then was all just kidding.... he was kissing my neck and ear and said something like,"these are my tricks"(like to get me to do stuff)... anyways everytime i go i ask him why he "forgets" how young i am and he says cus his mind is in the "gutter".... i know i alot bout sex and i've done it before i'm not stupid and a lot of times i know there intentions even if there bad i tend to go with it cus like one of the noters said "i like the attention" but this time i want to make the right choice which is probably not to do anything.... but i so badly do

well i hope this makes sense... i might have just confused you... if i did sorry...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 11:39pm
If you are a citizen of the USA, my suggestion would be this. I don't care how much of an age difference there is or isn't, and it doesn't matter if you're experienced or not. Do NOT get involved with this guy unless you're ready to see him go off to jail. If he's 18, he should know better than to do ANYTHING with ANYONE under 18. With or without consent, someone who is 18 that has sex with a minor (someone under 18) is commiting statutory rape.

My suggestion, just stay away from him.

-T

Sorry I don't have any real advice for you...as all I can see is this guy walking away in handcuffs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 11:53pm
i know alla that.... but he parents have to press charges and alla that know way would i freaking tell anyone that would cause a fuss over it... hella no

thanks though

toodles (this message isn't in a rude tone)

peace out

YO
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 8:25am
Actually, it would be a crime. It's not like someone is suing him. In any case I'm familiar with, the state would prosecute the case, no one would have to "press charges". All it would take is for the someone in authority to believe that it happened, and bring it to the attention of the police. Then he'd be taken away.

Unlike what T said, it's not strictly black and white about 18 and under 18. In many states, someone who is 17, can have sex with someone who is 18. Actually, in MA I believe you can go as low as 16 and over 18. However, other states sometimes draw the line at a 4 year difference. 16 and 21 would be a crime. All of these laws vary by state by quite a bit. So it depends on where you live.

However, under 16 and under 15 typically fall into their own category. So I believe it is a pretty serious crime no matter what state you are in. No one has to press charges, because you are considered a child, and unable to make adult decisions where sex is concerned.

Having been an 18 year old before, I can honestly say he is driven by hormones. You are there. It takes no effort to see you. It's like someone had a pizza delivered to his home. It may not be what he really wants, but the convenience is too easy to pass up. He's not doing anything else, so why not try and get into the pants of this hot looking 14 year old. I can also honestly say, that once you have sex with him, he's going to assume you will be willing to have sex with him every single time you come over after that. After he pushes past certain barriers, he'll assume it's a free pass after that.

You said you want to do the right thing. However, the right thing is getting what *you* want out of this. You don't seem clear what you are looking for. If you are looking for a "boyfriend", then this won't be it. You are simply going to be easy sex for him. He'll continue to push for it, until some outside force stops him. Such as your parents, or his, or the law. He'll probably say just about anything to get into your pants.

So the all important question is... What do you want?

FYI, my wife is 10 years younger than me. However, 37-27 is not as big of a gap as 18-14. It's not just simple math, but differences in where you are in life. An 18 year old has very different needs and agenda than a 14 year old.

Brokk...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 8:59am
It's called statutory rape in every state, and it isn't a charge that YOU prosecute because you're a minor. It's a charge your parents would bring against him of a criminal nature that would totally destroy his entire life.

He doesn't want to date you....you're a little girl with no life experience. He might easily have a fascination with your "adult body" - but he has no interest or even awareness of your mind, your needs, or anything else.

If you want to sleep with him - realize that if he does it he's a fool. Because he's 18...he doesn't wnat a relationship, a commitment, a girlfriend or wife to take care of in every capacity in life. He wants fun, sex, and compainionship. You're too young to offer fun and companionship - you can't hang iwth his crowd. The only thing you could offer him that he wants is sex...and if you're wanting just sex - use protection. And tel your parents BEFORE you do it.....so that there are no repercussions on him later for having consentual sex with you.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 10:16am
Since we are talking about laws, I thought I would research them a bit for MA. Two definitions which I think would interest everyone are...

Rape. - Sexual intercourse or unnatural sexual intercourse by a person with another person who is compelled to submit by force and against his will or by threat of bodily injury, or sexual intercourse or unnatural sexual intercourse with a child under sixteen years of age.

So in MA it's simply "Rape". Nothing statutory about it. However, here is another interesting one.

Fornication. - Sexual intercourse between an unmarried male and an unmarried female.

So it's even against the law for two consenting adults to have intercourse in MA. Of course the crime of "Rape" is taken far more seriously, with bigger fines and jail time.

There are also other laws on the books about involving children, or anyone under 18, but they don't really apply in this situation. They each have additional circumstances, such as "deceit".

Brokk...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 1:53pm
thanks and i know how it works "do the math" my mom was 10 years younger then my dad.... and my grandpa and grandma *boy is there a gap(i don't even know the real difference)* thank you and i know its a really serious crime *its weird they even made a law like that (i'm going to figure out why)* thanks for the note it makes a lot of sense and i think i just want the attention...

fyi most people say i like the attention from older guys then guys my age is cus my father passed away when i was a year old (probably true)

i've been coming more conservative lately but when i saw him i went back to the "promiscuous me" (i think i spelt that right)

thanks again
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 1:59pm
thanks... i'm going to look up some stuff of my own on this... i've made my decision to stay away from him but i like to learn about laws and stuff because it really interests me *not that i would want to be a lawyer i much rather be a teacher (elementry or "special education" *i alredy help in classes as aids** thanks and i'll try to tell you what i come up with

toodles
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 2:17pm
What state are you in? (assuming USA)

I went to www.ma.gov to start with, and ended up finally at:

http://www.state.ma.us/legis/laws/mgl/?refer=massgov

That gave me the search engine I needed. I searched on "rape". I had to browse through a lot of different areas, but they are pretty good about pointing you back to other chapters and sections that relate to what you are reading.

I'm no lawyer, and I'm not sure how to spell promiscuous either... ;-)

Brokk...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 2:20pm
Nope, you didn't confuse me.

I understand, as will many women, what it's like to want attention from someone and how flattering it feels when an older and more experienced man pays attention to you. I'm certain that you find his flirting and teasing very attractive and *fun*, right??

What you may not realise (I certainly didn't realise this at your age) is that women and men don't think of sex in the same way. Those romantic kisses and all of that *teasing* and *flirting* is a "means to an end" for him. What he is trying to do is "seduce" you.

Seducing = Flirting with you and teasing you until you agree to have sex with him.

Here is the problem: seducing you is far different from wanting to be your boyfriend. More than likely, he doesn't want to take you out on dates. He doesn't want to include you with friends of his own age or hang out with your friends who are your age. That is what a boyfriend would do. Yes, there are many couples where age is not an issue (I am three years older than my husband, for example) but there is a big difference between 14 and 18. Physically, emotionally -- in a dozen different ways. Which is part of the thrill for you, right??

He doesn't want to be your boyfriend. He wants to have sex with you.

Becoming sexually involved with an 18 year old is not a suitable choice for you. Nor is it appropriate for an 18 year old man to become sexually involved with a 14 year old. Embarking on a sexual relationship with a man involves a lot of decision-making and risk-taking that you simply are not prepared for at the age of 14. It puts you in a place where danger or harm or great risk might come to you. Being sexually active at this age might impact your life in ways you cannot even imagine today.

I think that on some level, you must know this. You KNOW this isn't right for you. That is why you are hesitating. *GOOD FOR YOU* for listening to your own feminine instincts and trusting your feelings.

Have you tried to talk to someone else about this - an adult? Can you talk to your mom or a teacher or a counsellor at school? Before you make a decision about what to do next, please talk to an adult that you can trust. Someone who will have your best interests in mind, understand and respect your feelings and help you make the RIGHT decision for you.

Please be careful.

Glamour Girl

glammie . . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 3:18pm
thanks and i'm going to stay away from him.... it makes me feel better bout myself when he gives me attention but when he ignores me it makes me feel worse and i'm better than that i'm a beautiful smart mature YOUNG woman or girl you could say... thank you and i'm very good at listening to my instincts so ya for me hehehe

toodles and thanks

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