He keeps putting off getting tested

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2009
He keeps putting off getting tested
5
Sat, 07-05-2014 - 10:33pm

I'm been dating a man for about 3 months.  I have asked him to be STD tested.  I originally requested 6 weeks ago.  He has yet to do it.  This isn't somthing small to me.  I don't think it's a small thing for anyone.

I actually found out the other day he was tested last summer for his ex-girlfriend.  He admitted she had to make the appointment and go with him there. So, obviously, he has had this issue before.  I told him I'm not his mother.  I'm not going to make his appointment.  I told him I was done.  No more until he got tested.  

I thought he understood, but this morning he wanted to have sex, and I reminded him that that was off the table until he was tested.  I told him he needed to get a plan in place.  This conversation came up again later in the day.  I told him he had had 6 weeks.  This isn't my fault.

Personally, I feel stupid having to even go this route.  It's pretty much on par with making the appointment and driving him there.  He admitted he hasn't gotten it done because he is lazy.  Does he not realize how important this is to me?  What else can I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Sun, 07-06-2014 - 7:08am

Most men are like little boys in some areas. It's like pulling teeth to get my husband to wear sunscreen and to get a haircut. In all other areas, he is a grown man and very responsible. There are no perfect people. You have to decide if the good outweighs the bad. Being lazy about going to get tested is not a dealbreaker unless you make it one. If he's a great person in all the major ways in the way he treats you, then I suggest you make the appt. and bring him there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2004
Mon, 07-07-2014 - 10:45pm
It's important that he get tested for your safety. He actually sounds like someone who has an STD or even HIV (sorry for my bluntness) There are many places to get a free,discreet test. He's behaving like a child. If you've only known him for 3 months, you might want to move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Tue, 07-08-2014 - 9:46pm

Reading between the lines, you've been having sex with him using condoms but now you've told him that you won't have sex with him until he gets tested? Is this so you can stop using condoms?

That he won't get tested for you is a red flag IMO. Not necessarily that he has a STD but for other reasons. You requested this at 6 weeks into dating when he should still be trying to impress you. So I would question how great of a priority he considers you, or how much he values being intimate with you, or how seriously he takes your wishes (seems like he figured that you two would keep having sex anyway). He says that he's lazy. If he's "too lazy" to do this (which I agree is important) then what else will he be too lazy to do, down the line? Or maybe he is just irresponsible or immature. An mature adult understands that they need to take care of these things for themself, by themself. I agree that you shouldn't have to schedule it for him or take him there like a little kid. So I would be concerned that later in the relationship you might run into similar problems when you want something that he doesn't want to do.

Is he such a great guy that its worth putting up with this? Do you know why he's not with the gf from last summer anymore?

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 07-10-2014 - 6:05pm

 Take him there hold his hand show him you are responsible with birth control.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Fri, 07-11-2014 - 3:16pm
Tequila_cat..you have done EVERYTHING you can possibly do.HE is an adult! You're not his momma! He should;ve realized how important this is to you when you 1st asked him to get tested over weeks ago.I say dump his ass because if he's dragging his foot..maybe there could be a reason for it?Maybe he doesn't want to find out if he does have something .,,,from someone else???You've been the adult one here and he's not taking you seriously.Leave him.You health is more important then this person period.