He lied to me and it's over...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
He lied to me and it's over...
7
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 3:56pm
To make a long story short, Ricky put up a new ad on match and when I asked him about it last night (over the phone), he denied it was him and gave me this angry guilt trip about checking up on him and accusing him falsely...total bs. It's him. He didn't put his picture up but all the identifying details are the same, as is a lot of his text. He's not a good typist, so his writing/typing style is somewhat distinctive. I said, "wow, then someone's impersonating you, and if I were to show you the ad, you'd understand why I thought it was you." He blustered on a bit more and then hung up on me.



The reason I even checked was because, a few weeks back, when he wasn't speaking to me and I wasn't sure if we were breaking up or not, I checked, kind of on the premise that if he *didn't* have an ad back up, there was still hope for us. But he did have one up. Then he wasn't on the site for a couple weeks, so I let it go, but he visited last Friday, so I asked him about it this weekend. He admitted it was him, and that he put it up because he really thought we were done. He took it down Sunday, but I was (I think understandably) a bit suspicious and so have continued to check this week.

I'm just so shocked and disappointed. We seemed to be making such good progress...he reconsidered going to counseling with me, and we were looking into finding one; he was reading this book my therapist had recommended and we were discussing it. He told me a dozen times this week how happy I made him and how committed he was to working things out...and now this. I knew he had issues, but I really did not think he was dishonest. He even says in his ad how he's "honest and a good person"...yeah, so "good" he lies to and hurts the woman he says he loves.

I'm just devastated. Believe me, I'd like nothing more to believe that it's not him, but that's just not possible...there are too many "coincidences".

I know I'll get through this...he isn't the man I thought he was, and I can't tolerate dishonesty...but it hurts like hell at the moment.

I'm posting this on a couple boards just so my online friends know the deal...sorry for the duplication.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 4:03pm
Honey, I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but I know there's not. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you.

~Artie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 5:24pm
I'm sorry also. I have no words of wisdom for you, except to say that you know that this will get better with time. Intellectually you seem to be looking at this in the right way; the trick will be getting your emotions to follow your mind.

I'll be thinking of you.

(((Hugs)))

Lynn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 6:56pm
I'm sorry to hear it as well.

The one positive thing, is this should give you the clear signal you need to move on. Rather than continuing to spend your time/energy/emotions on this guy.

It seems he's decided it's easier to look for someone new, than work on the problems that broke you two up.

Path of least resistance.

Brokk...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 8:32pm
Thanks, you guys. I really appreciate the support. I'm still in a bit of shock, and fluctuating between anger and sadness, but I know I will get through this. The comfort I get from my friends here means a lot to me.

And I'm meeting Rice in person this coming Tuesday! That should be fun. He says he has pictures of many of the UOS gang...looking forward to seeing them.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 10:16pm
I'm really sorry to hear that. So many people would rather change the environment and stay the same than to change themselves. Apparently he hasn't felt enough pain to truly want to change. He can jump right back on, put whatever BS he wants, and find someone else who will either put up with him, or get rid of him, but until he really believes...not just says...that there is something wrong, he's not going to take the difficult steps to change.

Hopefully you are doing alright and hopefully you brought enough of his issues to the forefront of his mind that he will truly consider making a change in himself.

Thanks for letting it out.

Curtis

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 10:39am
Thanks, Curtis. He really seemed to be making progress in acknowledging that there were things that he needed to address, but maybe he just wanted to keep an escape hatch open in case it was too hard to work things out with me. Who knows...it doesn't really matter *why* he did it, just that he did it and lied about it.

There's a small part of me that hopes he will be able to work on himself just so he'll be happier, and I'm sure that part will grow with time, but right now I'm too angry at him to wish him well! I know I'll get past that eventually, though.

Sheri

Avatar for mamma2my3sons
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 11:27pm
so sorry to hear that Sheri.It sucks!nt