Is he making me jealous?(M) long...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Is he making me jealous?(M) long...
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 3:49pm

I thought my relationship was getting better. Now, it seems

like we're trying to break up. All b/c I was stupid and

mentioned this guy named j wants to date me and calls me

all the time. Now, my boyfriend talks about this girl

named D who's friend's with his mom. And says she wants

to take him out.

Usually,it was I'll beat his *** if you go out with him. The

other day we we're talking about moving in together. Now , i

feel like we're going to break up. He was away at job corp.

And right before, he came home. He was like. I have you a

present and if you don't be nice you won't get it. Then

the other day. I was wearing my deceased grandmother's

wedding ring and i showed him. He smiled and said I have a

wedding ring in my room. Then i got all quiet and he was

like baby,hello? He said did you hear me. and I was like

yeah, I heard.

Then the next day we're talking about moving in together

and he said. That even if we don't move in together that

I'll get a key to his place. Now, he seems to be testing

me. He said that she's not his type and i have nothing to

worry about. But, i am worried. Worried about losing the

man I'm in love with. I asked him if I should be worried

about him and D and he said (sounding mad) No, should I

be worried about you and J?

What do you all think? Are we both jealous of each other?

Are we on the verge of breaking up? Or are we already

getting pre-wedding jitters?LOL What do you all think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 5:12pm
Title: What do I think?

I think that you two are no where NEAR ready to get married if you are playing games like this.

I was wondering where all these posts from young 20 something married women come from...and how they end up in the situations they are in. Now I know.

Spare the world one less divorce. Don't do it. You two aren't ready. It's time to break up, go your seperate ways, continue to date, continue to evolve. I know you don't believe me but TRUST'll remeber these words in 5 years, whether you heed them now or not.

Don't do it. You aren't ready.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 5:34pm
I answered your other post on the Dating board. The added info in this post only confirms my reply to you in the strongest way. Please do yourself a favor and take the advice I gave you. There is no doubt in my mind that you are headed down a path you will regret immensely.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 5:48pm
You know, my sister married her first boyfriend. She was 21 at the time. Folks around here will probably remember my near coronary when she quit school and my parents still shelled out close to 10K for the wedding (after he kissed someone else a few weeks before the wedding). She lives in an apartment that my parents own and pays no rent. What's the moral? She was so immature that she couldn't figure out that you need an education to get anywhere in life and whole heartedly subscribed to the notion of "Livin' on love."

Now, she's back in school and calls me at least once a week crying about how her husband doesn't support her in her endeavors and how she never sees him unless she does what he wants to do...yada yada yada. She's at school close to 12 hours a day (nursing program) and he gets home at 4:30, yet it's always that classic "Honey, what's for dinner; where's my clean clothes; Why are there no grocerieis?" scenario when she stumbles in the door after a full day and then some.

I agree with the other two responses. If you're playing games like this, you are nowhere near the point where you will make a lasting and loving relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 6:16pm
I have a sister who married very young as well. Her husband was controlling, manipulative, & emotionally abusive. They divorced when their youngest child was 3, and she says she never knew those things about him before they married, that he didn't act that way when they were dating, or she wouldn't have married him. But the fact is that she was too inexpereinced to even see the signs of his true personality, because the signs were evident, though somewhat repressed in order to make her believe differently. Had she been more experienced, and more mature emotionally, had she supported herself away from the safety net of our parents home, she might have seen those signs and avoided years of misery. The OP won't even have the excuse that she didn't see the signs of his true personality, because she does see them and is posting about them.

My 21-year-old neice is engaged to marry in one year. She has never had a previous BF, has never completed more than a few college courses, works only part-time in a job her father got for her, and has always lived at home with her parents. She isn't required to contribute to household expenses, and is exceptionally immature for her age. It is very hard to support her marriage plans to a man ten years older than she when she has no idea how to take care of herself in any adult fashion. It's a child's game of "playing house" in her situation, and it's too bad that she will probably be slapped into cold hard reality when she discovers that marriage is not at all like she imagines it to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 6:35pm
Yikes! I always have hope that it's going to work out somehow. I sure as heck don't want my sister to end up miserable just so I can say, "See, I told you that you shouldn't get married so young."

I imagine your niece will grow up rather quickly, but it'd probably be a good idea for her to have to take on some adult responsibilities prior to getting married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 7:48pm
Although I'd rather be proven wrong than see my neice suffer, I do not have any hope that it won't happen. It isn't likely that a young woman who still watches Saturday morning cartoons with a bowl of sugary cereal for breakfast, who only recently gave up playing Pokemon, who blamed her uncle when the used car he helped her choose had mechancial problems a year later (and blatantly suggested that he should pay for the repairs), who sucks on lollipops with a pouty mouth (I kid you not), and whines when she doesn't get her way, will grow up quickly when faced with adult responsibilities. There is already trouble in paradise. She recently expressed her resentment that he was out of town at a concert with some friends over the weekend - angry because she had to work that weekend and he didn't stay home so she could be with him on Saturday night. Oh boy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 10:14am
sounds like he is testing you, which doesn't have to be a bad thing. Men don't like it when a woman gets jealous. Be confident with yourself and your relationship be proud your with a good man and don't think negative things because that can damage a relationship trying to flourish. Trust him completely and if you enjoy being a woman and you show it, he will notice, and he may see other men noticing but act like you are unaware of it.