Is he pulling away or just not interested?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2011
Is he pulling away or just not interested?
Sat, 10-29-2011 - 3:06pm

I recently had a man that I have known of for five years pursue me. We never spoke to each other and he was not one that I ever considered dating. One night we ran into each other at a bar and he came to me. I didn't remember him at the time although he tried explaining who he was. A couple days later I received a friend request from him on fb. Then it finally hit me who he was and I was shocked that he knew me cause, like I said, we never spoke to each other. I ran into him again a week later at the bar. He suggested we go out and do something and told me to get in touch with him if I was interested. I did and we went out. I felt instantly comfortable with him but was hesitant toward him cause I wasn't sure if he was just being friendly or if he liked me. First night out ended with just a hug and he told me to keep in touch. I initiated all the talking cause he said he didn't want to bother anyone even though I told him he wouldn't be bothering me. Second date we went to eat and he took me to his house to show me his horses, that night ended with a kiss. So I started thinking maybe he did like me. That week he initiated most of the talking and things seemed to be moving along great. I went to his house to hang out but I wouldn't have sex with him. He said he respected that and would be a gentleman. He's 42 and I'm 32. I tried asking him if he was dating anyone else. I really didn't get a straight answer from him, just that he let me into his house while his kids were there and he don't do that normally. "That's got to mean something" is what he said to that. He has three children with the oldest 12 and the youngest 2 and is a very good father to them. I also have three children that are all around the same age as his. The next time we went out he came to pick me up at my sister's house. He has been good friends with her husband for a long time. He took the time to talk to my 3 year old son and asked him if he could borrow me for a few hours. My son kept telling him no. Finally he got the OK from my son and told me he wasn't going to take me until he said OK. Which I thought was really cute that he respected my son that much. That night was awesome. He treated me like I was the only girl in the world and I was really starting to fall for him. It had only been three weeks so I was worried about it moving to fast but I was enjoying it. But that next day it seemed like he was being distant. He stopped initiating texts or calls. He had promised to take me horse riding so I asked when we would go. We went the next day and he was still great but still seemed distant. His friends were there too so I thought maybe that was the reason. But after everyone left and we were alone he still didn't seem like himself and kept saying he was tired, so I left. We only talked once briefly that week and I decided not to call or text till I heard from him. The other night I ran into him at the bar again and he came up to me. He stayed with me the whole night. He even asked why he hasn't heard from me. I told him I haven't heard from him either. But we had a good time that night and he made it seem like we were there together. Kept his hand on my leg or put his arm around me, just constantly touching me but not inappropriately. We also danced to "Wonderful Tonight" and he sang the whole song to me. I went home with him that night and he kept telling me how much he enjoys my company and that he just wanted to hold me and sleep. We both had to work early the next day. We still have not had sex. He told me that night that he has been married twice and both left him for another man and now he has to pay, so he doesn't have it in his heart to trust women at the moment. His last marriage ended a year and a half ago. That was two days ago and I haven't heard from him since. Does this sound like the "pull away" that men do? Does it seem like he is just not ready after his last marriage to be involved with someone else? Or does it seem like he is not interested? I'm so confused. He is a really great guy and has made me fall for him quickly...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 10-29-2011 - 6:29pm

Hi Stumbled.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2011
Sat, 10-29-2011 - 7:15pm
I've never experienced the pull away before either but I've had friends tell me that when a man gets too close too soon they pull away to gather their thoughts to decide what they want. I've always been in relationships that once things start going good we jump in....which has always ended bad for me. So I thought, or hoped rather, that he was being mature about the whole thing and decided to start taking it slow. Maybe to see if he can trust me?
I've also had friends that know him tell me that he is "old school" about things. Meaning he's not into texting or keeping in touch every day. I just wonder if he is truly interested in me or just when I'm there in front of him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 10-29-2011 - 9:01pm

I kind of agree w/ true-blue here.