He says he likes me "a lot"...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
He says he likes me "a lot"...
8
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 2:10pm

Hello Everyone,

First off, let me say I appreciate your help.

A brief insight into my situation.... I just turned 46 a week ago and have been ( for about 3 weeks now ) on one of those Online Dating sites after about 7 yrs of being single. I have had one meet & greet with one guy and he seems to be nice. He is a single dad with full custody of his 2 daughters and a biz owner, etc etc.He was very communicative and keen on meeting again which I was open to. In the following days he would constantly text me which I found very annoying and finanlly did tell him that I'd much rather talk on the phone and that I am not looking to be anyone's texting buddy. He did appologize and said he would call but never did for a week and I did not call him either. Yesterday he did call and left a VM and said he has not forgotten me and has been thinking about me but he was busy with his biz and also the thanks giving holiday week, which is understandable and fine by me. He called late last night, we talked for a while and he said he wants to go on a "date" in a couple days which is fine and we are going to do that on Sunday. I am a bit confused as he says he really likes me feels that we are a good match but then again he has told me several times that he does not like to rush into anything and that I have to be really patient with him. To which I said "this is not a race to me and I am not sure why you feel compelled to keep reminding me of that". He did not answer my question and I did not push for an answer either. So please help me understand what he is really trying to say.

I have also been talking to another gent (again online dating ) for about 3 weeks now and we did get off to a shaky start. He messaged me online and said he wanted to meet right away, to which I said NO! I was not going to be meeting anyone right off the bat. And also because we seemed to have a communication disconnect. When I explained to him that I am not in a rush to jump into anything and first wanted to talk over the phone before we met etc, he agreed and we have been talking since then and have a date on Saturday. He has been a real gent thus far and is very respectfull and understanding of my views on dating etc. He has told me numerous times that he is really very excited to meet with me and he has been looking forward to meeting me and that he "really really likes me a lot"!. Wow, really and we have not met as yet... help me understand this please.

Thanks again and happy holidays to all.

Kiritina

 

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 3:48pm

 Hi

 Not much to explain here just two different men.  OLD is meeting many different men who will all have different approaches to dating.  A man with children will have a whole different emotional and mental state than one with out children.

  I myself prefer to meet just because for me if there is a personal red flag, I rather not have invested a lot of time in a doomed approach.  I can have great phone conversation but in person there is no connection, except perhaps intellectual.   That is the risk.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 7:19pm

No. 1 seems to like to take things slow, which also seems to be what you like to do.  Since you're already planning another date, just see how that one goes.  No. 2 is saying that from your phone conversations so far he thinks he likes you--obviously things could be different when you meet in person, which is why I'd suggest that 3 weeks is long enough--you need to set up a meet w/ him ASAP.  I like meeting as soon as possible too--I actually don't like talking on the phone much anyway and like it even less w/ someone I don't know.  I like exchanging some emails to see if the person seems normal & interesting and then meeting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 10:11pm
Have to say I am at a complete loss with all this dating protocol. Appreciate your opinion.
Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Mon, 12-03-2012 - 2:28pm

OLD is a completely different beast than meeting some person at some function or random place and hitting it off enough to want to pursue them. But one thing that you should remember: in real life, you'd have met them in person before talking to them over the phone, and you didn't know much about them except what they said in the initial conversation which piqued your interest.

with OLD, there is the tendency on the part of many to meet that person asap to ascertain if they even want to pursue anything. It's off-putting to many, including me, but it's something you're going to run up against if this is your chosen method of meeting men.  From what I understand from reading forums on OLD sites, a lot of guys don't want to waste their time spending weeks doing email, phone, texting before meeting you. They want to know if you are attractive to them enough for them to open themselves up to you.  It would appear to their line of thinking, it's easier to drop someone off at the mall earlier than later, after they've built up their ideal of who that person is, then to meet them and have to dash all that both he and they have built around their idea of each other.  It's real easy to fall in love with who you think that person is and not who they really are.

Personally, I prefer to email at first because I think a lot can be gleaned from what a person writes and how they write; I also realize that I'm in the minority on this tip, which is why I put OLD on the shelf for the time being.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 7:01pm

Thank you. Appreciate your response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 3:39pm

I can be very helpful here because this is how I met MY SO.  We have been together for over a year now and have enjoyed every moment together.  Not that it went that way the first time.

The first lady I met turned out to be self centered and "certified by doctors" NUTS!

I met my SO, on line, while I was waiting for my son to get me.  I had moved @ 500 miles, as I had planned to do before I met her, and was very unhappy with her.

My SO and I talked, texed and such for several months.  We were open and honest with every aspect of life, yes after a while even the sexual compatibility part.  That is the key to any relationship, plutonic or romantic or work.  Get to know the guy they call number 1, he seems to be compatible with your thoughts.  You said he wants to take it slow, how long has he been out of his relationship?  It hurts when we break up and it is hard to believe someone could or would care about us.  Plenty of men and women on those sites are just looking for a "hook up" and not in building a relationship.

A relationship requires honesty and knowledge.  That is how trust grows and love can follow.  Without trust you can't really love.  Just look at the boards here and you will see many people asking the question, "I don't trust them, what should I do?" the answer is simple, no trust, no love, no romantic relationship possible.

My advice, don't be in any hurry to meet and date until you are sure as you can be what their intention is.  If he is interested, he will wait and want to get to know you better.  Don't be stupid and send him nudes of you...nothing is ever removed from the internet...they could come back to haunt you.

Remember you can be as frank in your questions, you may get the answers you want, or ones you think are gross.  Probe his past relationships, how long, why ended, who ended it...stuff like that.  Asking means you will have to reveal your own, but that is a good thing.  Better to find out you are not compatible before you invest feelings for each other.

Best of luck and I hope you find a man as wonderful as the Lady I found.Smile

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
Mon, 01-07-2013 - 11:39pm

Thank you Hawk1952, your's was the most candid of responses I have got thus far and yes it makes things a bit easier to grasp now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2012
Thu, 01-10-2013 - 3:40pm

Kiritina,

Have you decided to go on a date with either gentleman yet? If so, how did it go?