He says it's "my problem." Is it..?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2009
He says it's "my problem." Is it..?
7
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 10:09pm

Hi everyone. I need some help on this one.


I'm divorced

Blusparklies

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 10:25pm

Listen, he's had a long affair

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2009
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 11:16pm

I'm reading this whole thing, and I feel just silly now. It's weird how you seem to "get it" by looking at it in black and white and not by actions.

Blusparklies

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

Coconut is absolutely right and I'm glad you see it. He is attempting to gaslight you by making you into the "crazy one". He's trying to make you feel stupid for standing your ground. He had a VERY significant affair with this woman and if he can't understand how their continued contact is destructive, then he really is totally stupid or totally ignorant.

My guess is that he knows how crappy it is for him to remain Facebook friends with her but doesn't want to feel like you can control him, and wants to keep that door open with her by making you feel like a fool.

Sure he can do whatever he wants since you're divorced, but it's pretty obvious that a reconciliation couldn't work out between you two because he's more interested in his own selfishness than anything else. Any man who tries to convince you that you're crazy for the way you feel is a man to stay WELL AWAY from.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Focus on raising your kids

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

Next time this conflict occurs, agree with him.

"You know you are right, this is MY problem, but the only way I see "us" working out is if she is completely out of the picture. And that is entirely on "YOU". So, it is up to you to decide, is reconciliation important enough that you are willing to show me I can trust you, by completely cutting out any and all contact with the woman you betrayed me with?"

He is the one that screwed up, it is time he own his actions and the reactions the follow. There are no statute of limitations on human emotions.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2009
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 10:22pm

Thank you everyone for all of your posts!! I feel so much better now. Not 24 hours ago I came on here and thought I was just crazy and being wrong on my part. I read everyone's posts and finally it got to me. All I needed was that wake up call. Again, I feel very silly and a bit embarrassed since it's obvious he's being wrong and been wrong for a long time.


I will no longer be accepting this! He knows now, and he is currently not speaking to me so I don't know what he's thinking or planning to do. Nothing he can say at this point will change my mind.


Thanks again!! (=

Blusparklies

Blusparklies

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Well since he claims that he "barely even talks to her anymore since they aren't "real friends" and that he could care less whether she chooses to leave his facebook page" Then why is he so adamant about keeping her on there. Seems to me IF he really wants to get back together with you that his #1 priority would be to make YOU feel loved and secure again by not talking to the woman he had an affair and betrayed you with. And HER being a friend on his facebook would be a constant reminder to you of his affair every time you see them post each other there. He apparently is not either mature or smart enough to "get this"