He wants to "take a step back"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
He wants to "take a step back"
18
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 2:22am

Hello, Please any advice, sugestions would be greatly appreciated..IM 52 years old, divorced for 3 years after an almost 27 year marriage, ex was unfaithful. Anyway I married at 19 never really dated, and now I find myself trying to finagle dating, using OLD. My relationship of 9 months just ended about 6 weeks ago, I love this man, he is everything I have ever thought I wanted in a man. We hit it off well, Ibelieve we had it all, the chemistry, we got along so well, he introduced me to his family, friends, he met my friends, my daughter loves him, etc. He told me he has alot of fun with me, but feels like hes using me because he knows that I care for him a great deal nand he feels like he should care for me the way I care about him. He had been seperated for a year, when we first met, his divorce became final about 6 weeks after we started seeing each other. I held of becoming intimate with him until his divorce was final. He sobbed like a baby, because he never wanted to hurt me, and thats when I told him I loved him, he said he knew it, thats why he feels hes doing the right thing. BUt he says he wants to still date/be friends?  I dont get it. Im thinking hes jus confused. I wrote him an email the next day telling him I was giving him his space/ and I wouldnt contact him. ITs been 6 weeks..I did text him 2 times, once on his birthday and another time after he had gotten out of the hospital, other than that nothing initiated by him. He told me this a few days before my birthday, then he took me out for a birthday dinner, and we were intimate. I bought him a puppy for Christmas, we were going to be co-parents, he knows my  daughter and I love this dog, hes bringing her over tomorrow. I would love to discuss this further with him, but IVe decided I wont bring it up unless he does. IM going to be happy, and act like all is good when inside IM still hurting..I miss everything about "us"  I believe he was so hurt from his marriage ending, apparently she tore his heart up,because he loved her so much and she didnt return it at all, he told me he doesnt want that for me. Wow thats why I love him so much, thatts why its so hard for me to let him go. His family really likes me and thinks we belong together, his mom  put a picture of us on a wall in their home, one of us on a cruise..anyway..I want to be there for him, but at 52..Im not sure if I should wait...The on-line thing really isnt what I thought it was, hes the first one in the 3 years Ive been divorced that I can actually see my self with for the rest of my life. Thankyou for reading this long post, but any ideas or suggestions are welcome!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 9:25pm
Also it seems you need to weed out so many, players, liars, you name it....Id like to try meetups..at some point....just not sure how to find it??
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 9:48pm

Just put the address in, http://www.meetups.com

Put in your location: city and state

All of the meet up groups in your area will pop up. Some are free and some are for a small fee per year. I only went to 2 in my area. One was for a blueberry festival and met lots of nice people, both men and women. There was no one there I was interested in, but different people show up at each event. The other was a barbecue for people 40 and over. A few men were interested in me, but I wasn't interested. I still had good time speaking to new people. Right after that, I met my husband on OLD, but probably would've eventually found someone at the various meetups in the area if I'd gone long enough. You have to meet a boatload of men before you find one you really gel with. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2013
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 11:23pm

Cool

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Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Mon, 05-06-2013 - 2:30pm

Oh wow! I just now resurfaced from falling down the meetups.com hole--I've signed up for about 5 different groups which interested me.  Even if I don't find a man in those groups, the fact that there are others who are interested in what I'm interested in is really nice!  While I would like someone in my life, I know my life must go forward with or without them. This makes it a whole lot more fun.

thanks for that tip, Safire!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 05-07-2013 - 11:34am

I think meetups are a lot of fun--you can be with a mixed group of men & women but it's not pressure to find a date like there is at a singles dance, for example.  If I had the time I could be doing something every night.  My friends actually got married because they met in a group for single parents--they convinced me to join this group. lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Tue, 05-07-2013 - 7:52pm
Hey Chrissy this is too funny ! Thankyou...Do you have facebook? Id like to put it on mine?? where did u get it? lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Tue, 05-07-2013 - 7:53pm
Thanks for the advice Safire I will check it out..I do need to get out more....!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Tue, 05-07-2013 - 7:56pm
Hey Music Lover...IM glad to see your still here......I dont know if you remember me..but I was on here pretty heavy in the betrayed spouses board...Ive come along way since then but still trying to date again after all these years...its been hard. This was my second "relationship" since my divorce and I fell so hard for him....but IM going to pick myself up and move on..its all a learning experience! How have you been? Were you from Florida??

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