He will get married when I do???????

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2013
He will get married when I do???????
Sun, 12-08-2013 - 9:17pm

I had a fling with a guy while going to school. The thing is we had really good conversations and really connected.

He told me in the beginning that that he was not planning on getting married to anyone. I accepted that and we still continued to keep in touch.

3 years later He got a woman pregnant and now has a 9 month old baby. I was surprised and dissapointed  because he may make a committment to this woman because of the baby.I called him a few weeks ago and he told me this. He also told me he would explain later about the baby. He also told me to let him know when I got married. i really felt then like I was getting a goodbye brushoff from him.

I told him the next day via email that I felt I should move on from our "friendship" out of respect for his new family. He emailed me back saying that the relationship was not going to lead to marriage  he was glad that I called, and that he would tell me the whole story later. He also said again to let him know when I get married and mabey then he would get married.

This is confusing to me. Why does it matter to him when I get married?

Confused =(

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 12-09-2013 - 12:10am

He may feel that you will reject him.  The best is to ask.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 12-09-2013 - 12:15am

What are you confused about?  He's been sleeping with someone, got her pregnant, and now has a child.  You had a fling with him, you had good conversation, and you kept in touch.  He had no commitment to you, so how is it your business whether or not he makes a commitment to the mother of his child?  Keeping in touch isn't a commitment!  He's going to tell you the whole story later?  What story is that?  The one you already know, he got someone pregnant!  If this was just a "friendship" then why can't you be in touch?  None of this makes any sense.  You need to move on with your life, and you don't have to inform him of anything......he sounds like a real jerk!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2013
Mon, 12-09-2013 - 2:38pm

Why would he care if I reject him?


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2013
Mon, 12-09-2013 - 2:42pm

Wow you sound very bitter. The purpose on this board is to get feedback. not aggressive answers

You really have an negative way of answering questions.

I hope you can heal from whatever hurt you or is hurting you

You bring the board down with your delivery

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Mon, 12-09-2013 - 2:44pm

Sounds like a man who likes to keep more than one woman on the hook without a real commitment. If he was a mature man, he'd be trying to make it work with the mother of his child, who he liked well enough to have a baby with so recently. And here he is communicating with you, a woman he had sex with when he should be concentrating on his new family. He's no prize. If you actually started dating him, he'll be paying child support for at least the next 18 years, and be in regular contact with his ex because of the child. Why would you want to enter into a stressful relationship when you don't have to. Sounds like you're in your early twenties and can search out men to date without these complications. Who knows why he said what he did? Maybe he wants to string you along and have uncommited sex with you now and then. His actions speak louder than his words. He's never sought you out as an exclusive gf in the past for a reason--he's just not that into you. Move on for your own good, and yes, don't communicate with him for two reasons-closure and it's not a nice thing to do to the mother of his child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 4:01pm

You would need to ask him what he meant by that comment.

Why would you be disappointed if he made a commitment to the mother of his baby, or to any other woman? It sounds like you and he are just friends with no emotional or sexual promises made, so both free to pursue relationships and hopefully meet a permanent mate.