Heelllp!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Heelllp!!
9
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 9:15pm
Okay. I’m a 26 year old university student. M, also a student, is 23. When I first met him, I made a note to self not to talk to him very much, just because he is distractingly handsome. He and I are both in leadership positions at school. About a month ago, we (about 20 student leaders) went on a weekend retreat. I rode on the bus. He and his 2 male friends drove down later. When he got there, he made sure to acknowledge me and hug me. We ended up talking that night at length. The next day we spent together. We played basketball and volleyball, went for a midnight walk and laid in the grass under the moonlight. When we walked back to camp, it was maybe 1:30 am. Our cabins were still occupied by our younger, louder classmates, so we went to the empty cabin next door. We kissed, but nothing that would lead to any premature relations (ha ha). Ended up falling asleep. The next morning we rejoined the group, went rock climbing and horse back riding… Great weekend. He hinted that he wanted me to ride back (the camp was an hour and a half out of town) with him. I declined because I figured it safe to return by the same means that I came. When we got back to the school, he walked me to my car and said something like ‘I really enjoyed the weekend and I look forward to working with you. We are going to be really busy this year, but we also gotta find some free time..’ So I was excited. That was in like 3 weeks ago. I like this guy. We see each other often because we belong to a couple of the same organizations, but we have not gotten to know each other on a personal level. Our phonecalls and interactions are mostly about business. He came over for dinner last Thursday and extended an invitation to a black tie affair to me, but it was on the next day. I had to work so I said no.

Allll of this background information is being provided to get you guys’ opinion. Should I be less anxious? What does this sound like to you? I would love to date this guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jadarenee
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 4:08pm
I'm not sure I see the problem. He's already made a couple of overatures to you, and you've declined them. I wouldn't sit around waiting for another one to be forthcoming. Ask him out. If he says no, be mature about it since you've got to work together at school, but pining is hardly going to get you any closer to where you want to be.

As great as men are, I've yet to meet one who can read minds, so even though your rejections weren't of him in your mind, he might not see it that way.

Good luck.

~Artie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jadarenee
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 4:58pm
Title: Exactly...I could not agree more....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jadarenee
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 6:03pm
Your last sentence was:

"I WOULD LOVE TO DATE THIS GUY!"

So...set up a casual date (dinner, tickets to a concert or sporting event, going bowling) and see what happens? If you're worried about people talking about the fact that the 2 of you are an item...it's not a big deal.

You both are adults too...right? Now go have some fun! Best of luck.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
In reply to: jadarenee
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 4:27pm
This sounds wonderful...

Sounds like the perfect start. Your both very busy so three weeks going by is not unusual. And as everyone else has posted: he has made the overtures already but you had other commitments. He may not ask again. Although you couldn't go with him due to scheduling conflicts, he may feel that by saying no you are trying to be just friends. You have got to ask this guy out. Call him and suggest you get together for lunch or a movie. Something casual no big date pressure. This way you open the door for him again and let him now that his attentions are still welcom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jadarenee
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 5:37pm
Title: One Quick Tip

I do agree with everyone else--this guy is interested in you, but since you weren't able to say yes to his invitations, it's probably a good idea for you to ask him out now so he knows you're interested. Maybe coffee or lunch or a walk around campus or a local park?

Also, just for future reference: if you like a guy, but he asks you out when you genuinely can't go, it's good form to suggest another day and time when you *can* make it. The reason for this is that "no I'm sorry, I'm busy, period" tends to be a gentle "sorry not interested" letdown. On the other hand "I'm sorry, I'm busy Friday night, but how's Saturday for you?" says "I do have a life I can't drop at a moment's notice, but I like you and I want to go out with you." That's an *excellent* thing to say all 'round. :-)

--fc

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
In reply to: jadarenee
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 11:39pm
Thanks for the great advice, you all. I tend be extremely cautious when it comes to guys. Past experiences, I guess. I just try and make sure that I don't read too much into a guys' actions. I will suggest a date when I see the guy. We have a gala on Saturday, so I guess I can just express to him that I would like for him to escort me. Hope it works :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
In reply to: jadarenee
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 8:48pm
Update.

I feel quite ridiculous about this whole situation. We were having lunch one day and I let him know that I would like for him to escort me to the black tie event. He had no problem with it. Asked me what color I was wearing so that his vest and tie would coordinate and everything. Cool.

The event was Saturday. We went, had a great time and looked really, really nice. After that event, we went to our homecoming, because our organization had volunteered to clean up afterwards. We had a really good time there as well. Dancing, the whole nine. Great.

He takes me home and walks me to the door. Tries to stand in the door and chit chat, so I told him to come in because it was cold outside. He comes in and talks for 3 minutes, tops, and then says “Well, let me go home before I end up sleeping on your floor.”, then he made a comment about how it would not be a problem or whatever. I don’t know what I was supposed to do with that info, but it sounded like he was kidding, so I told him to go ahead home before he fell asleep. Allright.

Yesterday we had a meeting. We arrive at the same time, looking like his and hers with the same black suit on, same bracelet, same button-down shirt (mine pink, his blue). Unplanned but interesting. He had one of his mentees with him, so I talk to the kid for a second. Aside from the attire, nothing else really noteworthy happened. Okay.

Today I run over to our office to get some pins for an event and he’s in there. He’s running out, though, because he had to get somewhere. He stays in long enough to hug me, though, and on the way out I turned to look at him and said “You know I have a crush on you, right?” because honestly, I wasn’t feeling like the guy was getting it. So he gets the blank face and says “Oh. That’s flattering. This doesn’t mean you’re gonna start stalking me now, does it?” and he’s laughing while he says it but still, that was totally retarded to me. So I say “No you weirdo.” Then I roll my eyes and tell him that I’ll see him later. Ugh.

So now what? I feel not quite stupid but intimidated/vulnerable now. I don’t like his response at all. What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
In reply to: jadarenee
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 9:14pm
Something doesn't *feel* right. Not that you or he have done anything wrong, or indicated any kind of "wierdness,* it just seems that it's not clicking for either of you. You like him, sure, and it seems he likes you too - but where's the chemistry? I dunno - seems uncomfortable to me, like maybe you're trying to analyze it too much instead of just enjoying the moment and going with the flow.

I'd see if he makes the next move, but keep a friendly opening (not needy, or clingy, or ga-ga eyes) just friendly. If he offers and you're busy, then definitely offer a different time or day, so he knows you're not just blowing him off.

You made your move by asking him to the gala. Be yourself! If you feel like asking him out again, then do it. Just relax now and see where it goes.

Msfit


Edited 10/13/2003 9:15:48 PM ET by msfit777

                  &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jadarenee
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 5:18pm
If he is truly interested he will ask you out in advance and plan a proper date for the two of you - anything less is a waste of time and potentially harmful since you seeem vulnerable and really into this guy.